Follow The Dragonfly

Where are you?

2010-08-16T23:51:00.000-07:00

NEW BLOG

For those of you looking for my posts. I'm currently posting on my new blog
"Creative Soul Sparks"

http://creativesoulsparks.blogspot.com/

I'm also posting weekly creative challenges on my Facebook community page at

The Red Dragonfly on Facebook

Lovin' Little towns...

2010-06-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

I love a good day trip. There is so much history in sweet little towns. The little town of Niles is only 4 block long and 3 streets wide but it has such an amazing history. Charlie Chaplin had his first movie studio there and the original theater where he would screen his movies...still stands. The town is now known for its antique shops but there is so much more there to love.

100 Day Challenge: Season 11 : Day 1

2010-05-12T20:25:00.000-07:00

My favorite thing is seeing the beautiful designs the barista creates in my latte.

My 100 Day challenge is about seeing what happens when we focus on the joy and beauty of life. So today I notice the miracles the ways the universe/God/Goddess/Divine communicates through the language of beauty and joy. Lets see what shows up.

100 Day Challenge: Season 10 : Day 51

2009-12-10T00:22:00.000-08:00

Intention
Create the New Year.

Today
Working out everyday has shaped my body in new ways. I've dropped 18lbs and I feel great. I went to the store to buy something new for an event and I was 2 sizes smaller. I feel great and I can see the difference. It make a difference to be supported in my weight loss. I had to trust my trainer...I had to let my boyfriend in on what I was up to. I needed to allow myself to be supported. Its working and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am 4lbs away from meeting my goal for December and it feels great

This next part of the journey is fascinating. Its been a while since I wrote in this blod. My boyfriend, personal hero, and best friend Andy found my blog. Not really found it since I wasn't hiding it but it marks a new chapter for me. In relationship I have 2 stories mine and ours. I have been spilling my story in these pages for years. But now in partnership I am reflecting on how this will impact my next story...the story of us. I am a ME and I am a WE. He's not a big fan of spilling your guts to the world in a blog. He supports my blogging but its not his thing...I get that completely. So its caused me to think about the power of privacy. Somethings need to remain private and for the most part I don't share everything about my life.

I like to share things in this blog that let you know we are all human. I like when people share that they read my story and didn't feel alone. I like hearing comments that let me know people are coming out of their shells and living life more fully because of something I might have shared. I want people to know its ok to be really who they are...no reason to hide. Anything you don't like ...take and action and change it. Don't dwell in the sadness or frustration. Move the energy some how. I write my blogs for you and for me... I still read over my blogs and remember how far I have come in life. I see every turn. I mark every miracle. I love to see that. In the moments where life is dark I can always see the light in these blogs.

So this year is about creating my WE story that honors the sacredness of the WE and protects it like a precious gem. Its also about telling my ME story in ways that express who I am with nothing hidden.

100 Day Challenge: Season 10 : Day 1

2009-10-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

Intention
Begin at the begining

Today
I declare that Season 10 is about acquiring my dream job and losing the weight I have always wanted to loose.

This season is about manifesting my dream job. Its about being apart of a team in bringing a product or service to market. To be passionate about the product or service and feel connected to those also committed to its success. I want to work for people who understand the importance of balance in work and in life. I want to be free to make a difference and provided all the support and resources necessary to get the job done. I want to feel joy coming in to work and I want to be excited about incorporating new ideas in to the solutions we design. I want the BEST of what I had at the previous company and more. I want to be surrounded by beauty and acknowledged for my contribution. I want to feel supported from every direction and excited to join the company in making a difference in the world. I want to relate to the product or service we are selling. I want to be compensated beyond my wildest dreams. Salary, bonuses, medical, dental, optical, 401k, stock options... the works.

I also want to continue to lose weight and discover ways to make this weight loss a part of my healthy lifestyle. I want to cook more healthy foods. I want to know how to order in a restaurant with ease. I want to learn about food and good food for my body. I want to take care of my skin and feel radiant every day.

Inspired Actions
- Do things that bring me joy.
- Finish Dream Job requirements list

100 Day Challenge: Season 9 : Day 100 + 7

2009-10-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

Intention

Get back in the game

Today

I realized that season 9 of my 100 Day Challenge ended on October 13th. I didn't know right away because I stopped blogging about it on day 81. Life was happening and I just got distracted but because I have had this practice for so long...my spirit became restless when I was not doing it. I felt a bit like I was walking around in the dark...feeling my way around. When I get that way it always helps to clean up an area of my house...to make room for something new. It also helps to play beautiful music while I'm doing it and make the space as beautiful as I most possibly can. In the process I discovered I had stopped my 100 day challenge. So its time now to complete my season 9 and create season 10.

At the beginning of Season 9 was all about taking charge of my career and my weight loss journey. I declared on day one of season 9 that I wanted to take charge of my career and join a company as a permanent member of their staff. One month later my company ended my contract and I was really out there looking for something permanent. When my contract ended I found out I could join a local gym and with all the specials and perks I got a personal trainer for 5 weeks. I lost 5 lbs and I am still losing. So be careful what you wish for you just might get it! I am grateful for season 9. I took a stand for my career and for my body. I learned so much in the process. I made a difference at the company and I'm glad I was there to make the impact I made.

This season I want to manifest my dream job. Something with the best of what I had at the previous company and more. I want great teams, lots of learning and creativity. I want to be surrounded my beauty and acknowledged for my contribution. I want to feel supported from every direction and excited to join the company in making a difference in the world. I want to relate to the product or service we are selling. I want to be compensated beyond my wildest dreams. I want to be compensated so well that I need to pinch myself to believe it.

I also want to continue to lose weight and discover ways to make this weight loss a part of my healthy lifestyle. I want to cook more healthy foods. I want to know how to order in a restaurant with ease. I want to learn about food and good food for my body. I want to take care of my skin and feel radiant every day.

I am excited to begin season 10

100 Day Challenge: Season 9 : Day 81

2009-09-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

Intention
Time fly's when you are having fun!

Today
So today I have been dreaming of the holidays. My favorite holidays are Valentine's Day, New Years, Halloween and My Birthday. There is something about those holiday's that excite me.

Christmas and Thanksgiving are great too. But Christmas seems like my mom's holiday...She has a whole way she likes us to celebrate Christmas..at home, together, lots of presents and food. We had some of the most wonderful Christmas' when I was growing up. I love her for that. She does that holiday proud with all the lights, decorations, gifts, food and community service. I give it up to her...she does it right.

Those holidays are wonderful but Halloween, New Years, Valentine's Day and My Birthday are mine. Halloween is coming up and I get really excited...I don't go for all that bloody death stuff..I like dressing up in costumes, candied apples, pumpkin carving and hot cider. I love a good hay ride and a chilly night. I love those haunted house events you go to with a group of friends and look around for goonies in the dark with a flash light. Actors jumping out with a scream and then laughter. It brings out the kid in me.

I remember getting all dressed up for Halloween as a kid and going door to door to trick or treat. Kids don't do that much anymore...the world has gotten too wild for that to work anymore. But I love that people still find ways to give their kids the experience of trick or treating. One office I used to work for would have kids come to trick or treat at the office and each cubicle would have candy to give out to the kids. We dressed up, they dressed up, we shared punch and cookies and we all had a great time.

My other great holiday love is New Years. Ahhh New Years. I like the getting all dressed up fancy and going out on the town. (There is a theme here about me liking holidays where I can dress up..hmmm) For the last few years we have always planned something last minute. Its a bit hard to plan for New Years...things are expensive or booked early. I got something in my email about a the Fairmont hotel in Banff Canada. It looks wonderful! I would love to go there for New Years.

So I'm in the holiday spirit already. :)

100 Day Challenge: Season 9 : Day 80

2009-09-22T23:49:00.000-07:00

Intention
Knowing My Signature

Today
Ok I absolutely love fragrances. I mean I love them. Like if I could I would marry 4 or 5 of them and travel around the world. I love fragrance. For years I have been looking for the perfect signature fragrance. I found it once. Betsey Johnson made a fragrance in the early 90's that she sold only in her boutiques. I loved it. I would stop traffic. People would follow me to ask me what I was wearing. Then they discontinued it and off I went looking for a new fragrance.

At some point perfumes started to punctuate events in my life. Joe Malone Peach Honey Blossom was a fragrance that began as a recommendation from my esthetician ( who also loves fragrance) and I loved it right away. I remember wearing it at the Frida Kahlo exhibit in San Franscisco and a woman followed me through the gallery trying to get up enough courage to ask me what I was wearing. By the time she asked me she was so close to me smelling the fragrance I jumped when I heard her voice.

Fragrances are intoxicating for me. They bring back memories. I can still smell the perfume my mom wore when she used to go out to parties with my dad as a kid. She would kiss us good night and I remember the warmth and comfort of that fragrance.

I remember my first perfume in high school when I was finally allowed to wear perfume. It was Chantilly Lace. It was $5 for what seemed to be a gallon and I would splash it on every morning on my way to school. I can still see myself getting in my uniform and grabbing my books to be dropped off at school.

I remember watching old movies where women had perfume bottles with those long cords with the balloons on the ends...it think they are called atomizers. I remember wanting a dresser full of those to atomizers in crystal, blown glass and ceramic. I always imagined myself sitting at a dressing table...brushing my hair with a gold brush 100 times to make it long and finishing with a few sprays of perfume.

So today I went to Nordstrom's at lunch and spent a few minutes smelling the new fall fragrances. I have already fallen in love with Couture Couture by Juicy and Lola by Marc Jacobs.

100 Day Challenge: Season 9 : Day 78

2009-09-21T00:14:00.000-07:00

Intention
Create a space for something new

Today
This weekend was wonderful. We did a bit of shopping and I'm got a bunch of things to organize my space. It seems like I'm doing that alot lately. Fall brings that on in me. I time to toss out the old and make room for new possibilities. My assignment with my current project is ending this week and I've been working hard to wrap things up. I also want to get my office set up so I can work on creating new projects. I will still be working on assignments for this client from time to time...but I'll be working from home. So Ive been researching organization systems and things to make my desk easier to clean off and give me the maximum space to work. I have tons of supplies...mostly because I buy things then forget I have them and buy more...so I end up with endless pens and scissors. I found this really cool thing at Micheal's that stores all your pens and stuff in one place and turns on this lazy susan thing. I think it may work to consolidate my 4 jars of pens and pencils on my desk.

If you have any tips for organizing your office or photos you can share for inspiration...I'd love to see it. I am always looking for ways to maximize my storage and have what I need at my finger tips. So share share share...I'd love to hear from you.

In the mean time I found this amazing site that helps me organize the entire house...
Fly Lady

100 Day Challenge: Season 9 : Day 63

2009-09-06T18:56:00.001-07:00

Intention:
Good Friends do great things together

Today:
Wheew! Its been a long time since I wrote in this blog. Thanks for checking back for new things happening. This month has flown by...It was my birthday and then we are here. This week I'm off to work on some projects, get things done, move energy, visit friends, make the most of my time off.

One thing I'm learning is how powerful it is to share my faith and spiritual miracles that have happened in my life. People like to hear stories about manifestation. This blog was about sharing ... what I have been feeling...how I have moved through obstacles.. but some times I forget to tell the miracle. The result..the magic that all that "work" was for.

You know I have been working on my weight for quite some time. I have been really motivated and not so motivated. Its something I'm committed to having in my life but I keep feeling like I have failed in some way because its not done yet. Well this week I realized in the most successful weight loss times I have worked with someone one on one. One time I worked out with a trainer twice a week and then another time I worked with a nutritionist monthly. I need that one on one time to check in...and make something happen. So I shared this with my woman's group and tons of resources came flying in. Since then resources help has been flowing my way from all directions. Its wonderful. I'm not alone and I'm already seeing a difference in the scale. I opened myself to be helped, I got a response right away and I'm seeing the results Ive always wanted. This is the journey of a 1000 steps...one step at a time. I am unstoppable.

100 Day Challenge - Season 9 - Day 45

2009-08-19T10:50:00.000-07:00

Intention
There is a miracle inside something that at first looks like a curse. The power is to recognize the miracle.

Mantra:
There is time and space for everything I want to do. I easily and comfortably release that which I no longer need in life. I am part of Universe and the Universe is abundant.

Today:

100 Day Challenge: Season 9 : Day 30

2009-08-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

Intention
Stoke my desire with energy and power!

Today
I'm going to live in this intention for a while and see what happends...I'll report back later today!

100 Day Challenge : Season 9 : Day 22

2009-07-28T17:18:00.000-07:00

Intention
Get Er Done!

Today
There a lot of things to finish up before my contract ends with my current company. Lots to do at home. Lots of projects to get wrapped up. New setup for projects after the contract ends. Things to do ...things to do and well....I just want to go home and sleep. I want to watch TV, let the laundry pile up, make a list and just look at it. I'm just keep'in it real people! There are times when I have a million things to do and I dont care to do any of them. So today I adopted a "gett'er done" policy. I am doing it...even when I dont WANT to but because I have a bigger committment than my feelings. Its like pushing a rock up a hill ... its going slower than I want but I am getting things done. I know it will all work out...I just need to keep going and give myself rewards here and there to make it worth it for me. So far so good.

100 Day Challenge: Season 9 - Day 1

2009-07-18T00:29:00.000-07:00

Intention:
Commitment to Community and making a bigger contribution

Today:
Hey people! I haven't written in a while because I've been exploring silence. I needed the silence to find out what I wanted to say next. Sometimes that's what needs to happen in life...silence to give the muse a space to express herself.

I learned the power of silence several years ago. I had been very driven most of my life and about 7 years ago I looked up and realized I was not driven I was on auto pilot. I was not choosing my steps and was go through the motions. I got silent for a few months and when I came out I decided to leave my job to join a start up company and make the difference I wanted to make in a company. I created a wonderfully colorful life. I explored my interests in art, spirituality, and community service. I explored, tried new things, and discovered new places. I saw the contribution I was in life, the role I played, I learned about my unique contributions, I saw new possibilities for the life I wanted to live. I learned alot about what makes me happy in a career.

Well it became clear today that school is over and its now time to commit and get in the game. Its time to harness all that knowledge and master an area of focus in my career. Its time to stop being the student and be a leader. I have resisted that for far too long and now the universe is inviting me to take a bigger role. I am in an amazing relationship with a man I admire and adore and I feel I am not alone to take on what is next. I am set up, supported and ready to toss my hat in the ring.

I heard someone say once that "There are places in life where you want to be and then there are places in life that are calling you. " Well life is calling me in some amazingly wonderful and abundant places. As new as this all feels there is something vaguely familiar and I know what there is to do is to step out on faith. Well I am being asked to do that now.

So with the support of my community, my partner Andy and my family...I am looking for a permanent position in a technology company that utilizes all the skills I have cultivated over the years.

I'm ready.

Treasures at the Flea Market

2009-07-05T18:00:00.000-07:00

Intention: Celebrate life in community.

Today Andrea and I went to the Antique Flea Market. We went looking for ephemera for art and journal making. I was up for some type of adventure and when Andrea asked me to join her I jumped at the chance. Then I remembered I needed to meet her at 5am to be there by 6am to get the best "stuff". I am not the morning person. I create my best stuff at night amongst the silence and the stillness of my home. Mornings are sleeping times, snuggle times, times to lay there and listen to my dreams. But I made a different committment this morning...a comittment to adventure and all good adventures start with a challenge of sorts. Mine was getting up and driving 20 min to meet Andrea for coffee and the hour drive to the flea market.

When we arrived everyone was setting up shop. There were old things and new things. There were big bins of junk and bags of cleverly disguised treasures. I am not the deal person so the first item I liked I paid full price with out haggling. By the end of the fair I was working my deals like a pro. I got glass jars from $15 down to $3.

I came home with a variety of goodies:
- Several vintage photographs of children for collage
- 3 glass jars to hold water for painting.
- Some large wooden stamps.
- Block printing letters for stamping
- Some door knobs for some CD drawers in my office.

I love each one...the are the treasures from my flea market adventure.

2009-04-23T16:16:00.000-07:00

Intention
I feel great and I show it...so you know it!

Today
Today was great. I slept well and ate well and I'm satisfied. Lots of things happend today that might have disappointed me or lead me in a negative thought spiral...but I feel so good...so satisfied that many of these things seem fun or isolated to the person its coming from. There is a power here I have never felt before. A friend turned me on to a book called "the Diet Cure" and I have been adding the right vitamins and supplements to my diet and I feel way better. Even those things that would annoy me before...dont now. Its really nice.

100 Day Challenge + Season 8 + Day 27

2009-04-18T00:51:00.000-07:00

Intention
Patient Acceptance

Today
I went to meditation with a friend a few days ago. First I want to say how honored I was that he invited me to his sacred practice. I felt so welcomed and special. Second I want to share that I surrendered my " I know everything" mode and allowed myself to see everything newly and guess what ...I learned something. I remembered how powerful and simple meditation can be. I often don't meditate because I don't feel set up to meditate...my altar is not clear...my home is cluttered...I don't have enough time. I remembered all it takes is 5 min.

I slept great that night and I meditated on my own today ... at my altar with a fresh new intention. I sat there in front of the most sacred things I own and all the items I have collected for years and I listened to the sound of my breath. I listened to the sounds of birds. I listened quietly to the silence. I listened. Then the words came, the solutions came, the insights came. There was alot spirit needed to say and all was shared. I listened. I journaled.
It can be that simple...sit and listen...and the wisdom comes.

100 Day Challeng + Season 8 + Day 18

2009-04-09T15:46:00.000-07:00

Intention
Giving up Overstanding

Today
I heard the word ... "Overstand" in a poem a friend wrote today. I began to think of all the places where "overstanding" got in the way of my ability to see...be a space for the manifestation of a solution. The wasted time spinning my wheels...figuring out...trying to capture something...get to the truth...or some explaination. The lack of forward motion while I tried to figure it all out...get to the bottom of...find a good reason for. I now have a word for all of that..."overstanding".

Now I can see there is power in knowledge...but "overstanding" can be a block to progress. So today. I am moving in my day...past "overstanding"...past hope... with an appreciating and joyfull anticipation of my goal. Bring a joyful space of recieving and giving Love.

100 Day Challenge + Season 8 + Day 16

2009-04-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

Intention
Being Powerful

Today
I got this message today from a co-worker. One of those joky jokes about how funny it is that women of a certain age look wrinkly, flabby, and nasty when they get old. As I read it I was struck with one thing...that is NOT my reality. It is not a given that I will age and look terrible in the process...deteriorating to this ugly blob of skin and boobs. That is not a given. I don't even think its funny to even give that point of view room in my space, my mind, my body, my anything!

Normally I would delete it...but today I didn't. I wrote a note back ...saying I reject that point of view and I gave and image of a woman who ages with grace and ease...Lena Horne! I was saying "Nope! that is not my point of view". The response was swift and funny. They wanted me to know it was a joke and why did I have to respond to everyone about it. Well...my love...because everyone got the message that being ugly older is some kind of norm and its not...at least not with me.

I may be over reacting but I mean it...some place you have to draw the line. You have to say...that is not the conversation for the life I am in. You can have what ever conversation you want for your life...but that is not my reality. I need you to know that. I am not going into agreement with you about it...I'm not participating in that...I reject that notion...and I mean it!

Here is what is really under my skin. I hate women putting themselves down. Its a big pet peeve for me. I hated it when I saw my mom and her sisters do it to each other as kids. I hate it when I see it among my girlfriends.

Here's the bottom line...Why do we support conversations for our own destruction? Would that message have spread through the internet if it was uplifting and powerful to women's body image? If it said ..I love my gray hair, my curvy hips, my mature face, I love me at any age? I don't think so! I think it made its way round because enough women relate to it to keep it moving. They see themselves in that. I am saying no...I don't see me in that and the buck stops here!

100 Day Challenge + Season 8 + Day 15

2009-04-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

Intention

Have my clarity be the guide for my actions

Today

There is something about music that is so profoundly powerful for me. I have learned that when something speaks to me deeply I look up the lyrics. I know there is something in the lyrics that is speaking to me. I couldnt understand what the songstress was saying but the melody got me. I felt a connection...after reading these words I have a clue as to why this song is so powerful for me today.

Sit Still, and close your eyes
What’s behind the other door
No more silence, don’t kill this thing we got called love
Just searching for the perfect drug

When Love comes calling
Don’t look back
When love comes calling
Don’t look away

And I’m standing over here
Watching you over there
Smiling, happy, unaware
Oh, life is spinning round
You’re going underground, forgetting who we were
Let’s try and keep it just one more day

You take your love
And throw it all around
Like it’s nothing special
Just a sound
Let me say one more thing
I don’t think you realize
That a day is like a year sometimes

2009-04-02T23:37:00.000-07:00

Intention
Being Forgiven

Today
Today I saw a way to do what I think is right to have everyone win. I offered the solution. I spoke up. I found my voice. I took the action and then went for a lovely walk in the woods with Christine. We stood in the middle of big old trees and made secret happy wishes. We looked closely at the tree bark, looked inside of old trees and took pictures of flowers. We talked out all of our daily, weekly , worldly stories until we could talk no more and suddenly we saw something new and freeing .. a new possibility. We were free and happy and grateful. Suddenly we began to celebrate the successes. We high-fived our victories. We laughed. We Laughed. We laughed. Suddenly we were out of the woods.

We ate at a wonderful vegetarian restaurant. The food was sooo delicious!

Today was a wonderful day!

Then I saw this news cast and I felt so inspired! Today is an extra special day.

100 Day Challenge + Season 8 + Day 9

2009-03-31T11:02:00.000-07:00

Intention
Good friends do great things together!

Today
I have been thinking about a documentary I saw on current tv about unusual jobs and they were featuring a woman called "Hoop Girl" who is a professional hoola hooper in San Francisco. I was facinated by her story of how she created an empire around making hooping hip. She talked about how when she is hooping she goes in to a trance state and really connects with the audience at her club performances. She called it "Hoop-gasim". Something within me resonated with that vibe. Something within me said a great big "hell YES".

It started me thinking. What is the question I want most to answer in my work with clients, my art and my legacy. What came back is a resounding "Self Acceptance, Self Appreciation, Self Cheerleading, Self Celebrating". I want all the things I do to provide for my clients an acceptance of themselves, you are who you are, you like what you like and you dont like what you dont like. I want people to accept that in themselves and the great wisdom that is for each person. I want to support them in navigating around the world that may not (at times) accept that. I want to support them in creating a world for themselves that appreciates who they are as they are and doesn't relate to them as who they are not.

That's why I love SoulCollage. Its the first modality that I have found that allows me to express who I am as I am and allows me to see the wisdom in the parts I called bad..not nice...evil.

100 Day Challenge + Season 8 + Day 5

2009-03-27T02:07:00.000-07:00

Intention
Forgive and be confident

Today
I have been working through the pages of my franklin covey planner creating my goals for the next 12 months. It asked at the beginning who do I want to become and I realized that I want to be more forgiving...not really of other people..but towards myself. To accept my humanity and let it go when I am not perfect. There are a few things this week that came up that reminded me. I get to have my life go the way I want...and I can forgive myself for not being really graceful with people when I do that. Forgive myself for not pleasing everyone. That has been a challenge over the years. Where I am today is a really powerful place that I cant please everyone and I am someone who will try. It gets me all mixed up but that is human. I can forgive myself for being waaayyy to focused on making other people happy. That feels sooo freeing!

So here is a video about art and play and creativity. When I am creating I am free. I dont care what people think. I do it because it makes me happy. I dont care if I sell anything.. I dont care if people get it. I just create. When I have no more room I sell my work or give it way ...but I make room and buy more supplies and create more!

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 100++

2009-03-24T01:35:00.000-07:00

Intention
To be the giggling peacock...family is everything! My life joyful, prosperous and gloriously flamboyant! I have what I want with grace and ease.

Today
I finished my 100th day of Season 7 a week ago and I have been to busy doing other things to complete the season and create a new season. But I have done great for 700+ days of being intentional and I am not going to stop now. So following tradition its time to reflect on the last season, acknowledge myself and create a new season.

At the core of what I value in life is Faith, Love and Power.

Theme Song for this Season: "Say what You need to say" John Mayer

What I said I would do and what I actually did?

Launch a Online Workshop
At the begining of the series I said I would launch an online workshop and workbook.
What I did was launch 2 new classes. I now have the material to create an online workshop.
I also found all the tools I need to launch the online workshop. I'm in development now.

Be Married
At the begining of the series I said I would be married. Well that didnt happen. I didnt think it would be possible but I wanted to wish it anyway. The one thing I did do is get serious about only giving attention to men who where ready for a relationship and giving myself the freedom to know they are out there. I also got clear that what I really want is an abundance of really great dates so I can know from experience what I'm looking for. I realized I dont really know what I need...I know what I want but not really want I need in a relationship. Funny thing is my Ex-BF's are buzzing around now. So maybe reflecting there would be a start.

What I learned in Season 7

My faith is my gift to others
I have a very strong faith. I'm not talking about religion...I'm talking about knowing that there is a GOD/Life Force that is loving and constantly is bringing me my good. Its grounded heavily in experiences I have had in the past and challenges that I have come through. I never doubt that there is a GOD watching over me, guiding me, advising me.

But until this season... I never knew that people around me look to me for my faith and they love and admire me for that. This season I had so many conversations and experiences with other people around faith, prayer, angels, GOD, miracles, and blessings. It has been amazing. I get these great calls from my friends with miracles they want to share, "woo woo" stuff that happened to them, miracles. It is soo great to see people seeing that the universe is communicating with them...co-creating with them and its interactive.

I've learned through this to share my faith more openly, pray for people when they need it and allow Spirit to guide me on what to say to them.

Femininity is powerful!
I learned just how powerful femininity is in the world. I am such a girly girl...soo being anything but a full on girly girl is so inauthentic for me. But I do it sometimes ...when I'm scared, don't like something or insecure. Its my little protective posture. This season I learned how unproductive that way of being is and tiring (it takes so much energy to be the man-me). I was so much more powerful just relaxing and being my girlyself. I got more done and got more sleep.

- To get in touch with my femininity I took Zumba once a week. I really helped me burn off some steam and get rid of any suppressed anger so I could be myself.

I learned to ask for more from life
I have always had a tendency to have high hopes and low expectations of other people. I never asked for what I needed from others. I have been loyal to the point of my own neglect. This season that sucker turned around. Something in me snapped in to place. I realized I deserve so much more and I deserve more in some of my relationships. I started saying what I needed. I started putting my attention on things that mattered to me and made me happy. Yes some people didn't like it. Yes there were times I felt guilty for doing it. Yes there were times that I felt the need to see if people still liked me...but I did what I needed to do..said what I needed to say and made things happen.I got my needs met . I feel more confident asking for what I need from people and allowing them to support me. The result is amazing.

- I did my first photo shoot
- I went to countless theme parties and got dressed to the 9's
- I upgraded some of my electronic equipement
- I reconnected with old work buddies and graduate school friends
- I started the development of an eCourse
- I lead to workshop series and met great new students.
- I went to the Spa a few times with the girls.

2009-03-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

I've decided to have some professional photos taken of me for my business and other uses. This time I have hired a top photographer and solicited my friend Michelle to be the creative director. Today we meet to go over the details, work out poses, location, make-up, dates...I have never gone through this much detail to get this done. I feel like a fish out of water...so I am so greatful for Michelle and John. They know what they are doing and I trust them completely. I just want to make sure to do my part and get the clothing, hair and makeup professionally done.

So I went to the mall to try on outfits and send to Michelle for ideas.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 95

2009-02-27T01:12:00.000-08:00

Intention
See the signs...the universe it talking.

Today
Yesterday I came home and noticed the way these two trees make a cross right in my line of vision when I leave the house each day. I have left my house everyday for years but never noticed this before. Its right there...a blessing over me, my house and all those who dwell there. I went to Catholic high school and college ...but I dont really consider myself catholic. I just know alot of the traditions since I spent so much time around the religion. I noticed this cross on Ashe Wednesday...marking the 40 days of lent before easter.

What all this means I have no idea...but I was wonderful to leave for work today to see the sign of the cross. I felt like I was getting a blessing for joy and peace. I felt protected and felt my home was being blessed and protected too.

So the signs are everywhere...I am blessed and protected.

So today I go forward with confidence...to enjoy my day and do things that make me happy.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 92

2009-02-24T23:25:00.000-08:00

Intention
It's not always my fault

Today
I had some freedom show up in the last few days. A friend misinterpreted the meaning of what I said and was upset. I felt confused and guilty ... like I did something wrong even though I didnt know what. I explained my point of view, up one end and down the other. She is still upset. Then it hit me...she is choosing to be upset. And you know what?...I cant fix that for her. I know what I meant and I explained what I meant. Thats all I can do. The rest is up to her. I let that go today and turned my attention to other things that need my attention.

Later today I got an intuative hit to call as friend and she shared some amazing things going on in her life. We celebrated. We cried. We laughed. It was delightful. I felt warm and alive. I felt the victory..I felt truly happy.

Then tonight on the Housewives of New York City (I love that show) ...there was a scene where an older woman was sharing with a younger woman about life..."life passes in a minute, then seconds" she said "You deserve to be happy...don't need to be a tortured soul".

I took that to heart.

Deep down if I had a magic wand I would make everyone happy and make everyone's dreams come true. But that's not how it works...people choose happiness or misery and that's that. What there is, is for me to choose happiness and attend to that...no matter what.

So ... I choose to...

dwell in happiness
dwell with those who dwell in happiness
I am happy.
Amen!

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 91

2009-02-23T11:39:00.000-08:00

Intention
Make lists and check things off!

Today
Its our first day back to work after a week off. It was a great week. I managed to jump start my side business and spend time with friends. I'm more like an ansamble cast than a solo artist so I took lots of time to get together with friends to chat and do things. I caught up with my sleep and I cleaned up some of the spots in my home I have long since forgotten.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 85

2009-02-17T16:21:00.000-08:00

Intention
Visit, Be and Play

Today
First of all I'd like to say how excited I am when a new person joins my journey on this blog...and allows me to follow their journey...welcome Kristi!. If you haven't done it before you can follow other blogs in the "followers" link on the right side ot this blog. I'm not a fan calling people followers...you guys are more like my tribe. Fellow travelers in life. Welcome!

Its the first official day of our company shut down week for cost savings. I let myself sleep in late and got up to clear out my office. Its so funny how cleaning my office was so easy...I needed to use it. So I guess the more I use it the easier it will be to keep it clean. That is the way it is for many of the rooms in my house. When I use the rooms they stay clean...or I have more incentives to keep it clean. I hate working in clutter.

I used my new space to work on my finances...I worked with an accountant for a year and then I stopped doing what she said to do last year. So I forgave myself for doing that and just got back in action doing what I need to do today. It was surprisingly easy. I'm not expecting to do it all at once. I made a list and I did what I needed to do so far. If I want to do extra thats ok but I don't need to do extra.

So I cleared my office and worked on an art piece I have promised a friend I would complete for her wedding gift. Its been 3 months and last night I almost finished one. Its beautiful and it took me all night to really be with the image and work and bringing out the essence. Art for me is like this silent conversation with God. There are times when I'm painting when I feel like something else is guiding me. There are times when I want to give up or when I feel like I need to add something. I have learned those times are the times to walk away until the inspiration hits.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 78

2009-02-10T00:10:00.000-08:00

Intention
I have faith to share

Today
Something is opening, unfolding, expanding in me. Something I can hardly explain in words. I have turned some kind of abundant prosperity corner and its all flowing to me. I feel very much in the flow. Very much like things are happening as it should.

I was with a friend, this weekend, who asked me how it is that I was so certain of my faith. I had to think a while an then I told her I have a personal relationship with the Divine. I know there is a GOD because I have experienced the grace of GOD. I experience GODs grace so often I dont question his presence. I began to tell her stories of things that happened to me over the year that could only be the hand of GOD at work in my life. As I told each story I felt more vibrant and alive. Then I realized I could bring that way of expressing myself to the workshops I teach. I decided to stop calling myself a teacher and take on being a leader...someone who leads conversations that restore people to thier faith. That restores hope in people.

In the past I thought what there was was to show people how figured out I am...but the real inspiration is knowing how I have over come my humanity. I am human like everyone else...and I may fall short sometimes...but I have learned to have a power over those things that take me away from compassion, generosity and faith.

So the last few days have been amazing...more participants are registering for classes, I feel more productive than I ever have at work, I have some great dating prospects on the horizon. All is well in my world and I love it.

What a Girl Wants: Moody's Mood for Love by King of Pleasure

2009-02-05T16:13:00.000-08:00

I would love an original recording of Moody's Mood for Love by King of Pleasure. I just love this jazz song. I have always felt emotion and authenticity of this song. I just love it. I think I would like the CD with the original recording since I no longer have a turn table.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 73

2009-02-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

Intention
I'm Here

Today
I have another blog for my business and I have been spending alot of time creating things for that blog that I forgot this one. It took a message from a friend saying "here you are!" that jolted me back. So if you've been wondering where I am...I'm here!

Yesterday I got a big box of Shari's Berries from my friend just "because" (dont you just love that!). These berries are wonderful and covered in thick chocolate. I ate one and boxed everything up and put it in the fridge. Then a few hours later I did that again. By midnight I had eaten all 12! I have no idea how many points that is but it was soo good going down. Yes it was excessive and indulgent and it made me feel a little sick later. But I kept eating them. I know I am not the only one that does that. So today is about balance. I will eat more veggies this week and drink more water and I will savor the memory of such a delightful treat!

2009-02-04T02:04:00.000-08:00

Intention
Do what you know to do and get to doin' it.

Today
I've been up really late tonight cleaning up some of my websites and fixing old things. I'm a night owl this week I have so many ideas after 10pm. There is something about this silence. I'm yawning but I still keep going.

2009-01-21T20:01:00.000-08:00

Intention
My heart is open

Today
I am obsessed with the TV series The Tudors. I purchased both seasons and now I want to go to Ireland. Not just because the last guy I dated was from limerick but because I love the music and culture. There is something so wonderful and rich about it. It really inspires me.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 56

2009-01-19T14:08:00.000-08:00

Intention
I live a BIG life

Today
I spent the weekend at Diana's house and with all of my friends. I made new friendships and deepened long standing ones. It was a delight. All of these ladies have done really well. Lovely homes. Great relationships. Wonderful families. Its really wonderful. I have come a long way from seeing that and being jealous, avoiding them, trying to find something wrong. I know nothing is perfect or looks as it seems...but these women are truely happy and blessed and I can see it. I am happy for them. I am happy for me too. They are doing well and so Am I. All of this is showing me that I am ready for an even bigger life... prosperity, living environment, car...more...I am ready and I deserve it...I am fully prepared and I have everything I need to take it on. I have EVERYTHING and EVERYONE I need to make it happen...starting now.

2009-01-18T23:18:00.000-08:00

Intention
I know my needs...its ok.

Today
My dear friend Diana planned a wonderful weekend for the girls at her house this weekend. We spent the day shopping and having lunch in a fine restaurants. We went for a lovely dinner at a friends house and then we went to the city for dancing. We got back at 5am. The next day we when to a beautiful restaurant for breakfast. The rest of the day was spent at the spa.

2009-01-16T22:33:00.000-08:00

Intention:
If you look for what you don't want you will get it.
So I look for what I want today.
I get that.
What I want.

Today
Today was wonderful. I love my office mates. We have such a great connection and friendship. We are like a tiny family. Every morning when I come in I make sure to say good morning to the ladies around me and then we chat a bit (if its not too busy) about the morning...or what we saw on TV that night. We really connect with each other and not just on the business level but on a personal basis. I love that.

Today my co-worker announced his wife will have their baby in 31 days. I felt like the department was having a baby. We started the bets for what day the baby will be born and It created such excitement in the office. Even some of the team that doesn't usually participate in these games...joined in the fun.

There is something about a baby and wedding proposals that brings such life to life. Its like I can feel the excitement for possibility. What will the baby look like? What will their life be like? In both occasions something new is being born into life...a baby and a marriage (maybe a possibility of babies and more life). There is something wonderfully exciting about life being brought into life. Something pure, rich and vibrant. Something new and unknown. It is all very exciting.

So cheers to everyone who is expecting a baby and cheers to everyone who has just received a proposal for marriage. What a delight you are and what possibilities you have inspired...thank you!

2009-01-15T21:17:00.000-08:00

Intention
I see joy and possibilities

Today
This video makes me sooooo happy! The guy is a "hot dad" type I love. The english accent is dreamy. His humor is soooo cute and light and playful. I just love it. I could watch this over and over again.

2009-01-10T01:42:00.000-08:00

Intention
Acceptance

Today
I had a conversation with my Mom today. She's been a bit upset, my brother is looking for work and having a hard time finding something in this economy (send a little prayer for him with me please). As a mom, she always wants to fix our problems. She likes to be able to pick-up a phone make a few calls and get the problem solved. That's how she did it most of our lives. We would want something and it wouldn't work out and she would call someone and fix it so we got what we wanted. I used to rebel against that. I always wanted to do it myself...without her help. I wanted the joy of getting it myself. That used to drive her crazy. I wouldn't tell her stuff so she wouldn't go jumping in and fixing it. One time my boyfriend broke up with me and she wanted to call him to patch things up. She was like Hollywood stage mom.

When she was growing up, maybe she felt nobody could fix things for her...so when she had kids she vowed to fix things for her kids. Its how she expresses love. What I don't like is what she does to herself when she can't fix things. When she gets frustrated and she can't fix things for us she does not take good care of her health, She doesn't get enough sleep or eat what she should. It worries me. It's like she makes herself sick over it. I worry so much about her. I worry about my dad trying to take care of her when she gets like that. I wish she would find healthier ways of taking care of herself when she gets like that.

Tonight I was talking to her and I had this weird feeling. I noticed that I was an adult supporting my mom. I am supporting her like I would any friend in crisis. In those moments, she was not the mommy that held me in her arms ... she was a woman ... vulnerable, frustrated and helpless. It was kind of scary for me. I felt like I was free falling in space.

I was glad to give the support. I am glad for the deepening of my own experience of intimacy with her. I am also not completely at ease with being this much of an adult. Its wild to say that on the other side of 40 but I really felt the adult thing kick in today.

I feel a little tossed and tumbled...maybe even a bit disoriented but I accept it. There is a whole new world on the other side of this... a whole new world.

2009-01-05T19:37:00.000-08:00

December 30, 2008 Cavallo Point

January 5, 2009 San Juan Batista

Intention
God's tryin' to tell me something..."What do I want, I want, I want..."

Today
I just rented "The Women" On Demand TV. It was wonderful. I love a good chick flick when its raining outside. I did a little organizing, brewed some tea and enjoyed the movie curled up with warm blankets. I even had on my wonderful fur cuffed socks I got for Christmas. The movie gave me lots to laugh about and lots to consider. There was this part in the movie where the main character put the words. "What do I want?" on a wall and began to add words and pictures around it to symbolize what she wanted for herself. It was a liberating ... ahhh haaaa! moment for me. What do I want...What do I want...I want. It kept ringing in my ears.

So today I got the gift of being selfish. If it was all about me...(and it is) what would I want. There might be something to consider about the people around me after that but it would come from a clarity of what I wanted.

I kind of had that day today. I spend the day at San Juan Batista a Mission near by. It was a rainy day and there were hardly any tourists visiting the mission. I got to look at everything alone. I took my time taking photos. It was bliss. Today I had the joy of doing exactly what I wanted and I felt energized and rejuvenated.

So that's the gift of being selfish...I get to take care of me and be rejuvenated.

PS. I've have this obsession with wings this year. I got the idea from my theme this year..."I need your contribution to accomplish what I want". (I'm still working on the wording for that...but you get the idea) I have been looking for a visual symbol and I kept getting guided to wings...like I cant fly with one wing. Like other people have my other wing to help me fly. So already I have seen these images of 2 big wings in the last 2 weeks. I took pictures to remind me...God's trying to tell me somethin'. LOL. :)

2009-01-01T23:28:00.000-08:00

Intention
Pleasure

Today
Happy New Years!

I celebrated the new year at a wonderful resort with 2 great girl friends. We had a blast. There was magic and miracles in abundance. We got a room upgrade, special deserts and lots of tiny perks. We relaxed at the spa, spent time in nature, ate fine meals and multiple cocktails. It was deeeelightful!

My experience was a direct result of my intention to give myself the gift of satisfaction. I had a new freedom to ask for exactly what I wanted at the resort. It was a victory. I often associate asking for what I want as something others will find annoying, but you know what...when I asked for what I want, I got what I wanted. So it taught me to ask ... all they can do is say no. In this case they didn't.

In 2008 I learned that people want to make each other happy if they can, my job is to create opportunities for people to make me happy and they will do it or not. Do not get me wrong I look for opportunities to make others happy too but most of my attention all my life has been on making others happy. I have to try...put my attention on...sometimes force myself to allow others to make me happy...and show them...invite them...allow them to make me happy.

It is something I have struggled with at times in my life. I often pull back if someone makes me feel bad for asking for what I want...but lately people can say what ever they want and I still ask for what I want. Other peoples opinions don't impact me the same way anymore. I realized how far I had come in the last 2 days at the resort. I am delighted and I am proud of me.

2008-12-25T18:32:00.000-08:00

Intention
Celebrate with family

Today
Merry Christmas! Today is Christmas day and we had a wonderful meal and opened presents. It was really low key and happy. We talked to all the family on the phone and checked in with everyone.

This trip I intended for miracles and it is happening pretty quickly now...for example when we called my brother he was just picking up the phone to call us. WOW! Then asked my mother when my other brother's would be coming for dinner and then the phone rang...it was him. Later I was talking to my mom about my cousin and I wanted to call her to see how Christmas was going in NY. I went to my phone and she had just left me her home phone number to call her. It gives me goose bumps just thinking of it now. We don't see each other ofter but boy do we have a deep soulful connection. I love it. I am blessed!

I guess by staying open to miracles I am getting how blessed I am.

I loved my gifts...Starbucks certificate, poetry books, financial books, some beauty stuff. I love it. But what I love more is spending time with family. Christmas this year is such a joy.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 27

2008-12-24T06:42:00.000-08:00

Intention
Play ... I was a kid once!

Today
My brother and I paid for a fancy scanner for my dad for his birthday a year ago. This year my brother set it up and started scanning old photos of my dads. I found a few slides of myself as a kid. I dont remember this event but I know I was there...there is a photo. I was a kid once.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 26

2008-12-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

Intention
Allow myself to be taken care of.

Today
I'm sitting in my old bedroom (which is now an office). I used to dream and create in this room. It was like my little apartment. I used to love opening the windows on a spring day to smell the freshly cut grass. I painted the room baby blue. When I was in College my brother painted it white and its been that way ever since. I'm a self confessed neat freak. I like things in order and clear of clutter. This room is now filled to the brim with stuff. I want to toss is out and make it "nice". Its not my room anymore. Its my parents office and they have a right to have it anyway they want. I cant help but want it to be another way. A way with less stuff and more things they love and use. but that is not my call. So I resist it but I must let it go. Let them have their room the way they want it. Its not my room anymore. Its not my room anymore. Its not my room anymore.

I could be interested in how they want the room. Maybe they are happy with it? I never considered that?

I am so not used to just sitting down and relaxing...I have to fix something where ever I go...even if nothing is broken to fix. So let me just sit...nothing to do ... nothing to fix. Just sit. Ok......

I still want to do something...but I'm just going to watch that for a while and not try to change it.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 25

2008-12-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

Intention
Appreciating Miracles

Today
I am currently in an airport headed home for the holidays. I really enjoy spending time with my family. I live on one coast and they live on the other. I talk to them each week with out fail. But its still not the same as being there. I know I will never move home. My home is here on the west coast. So this year everyone is getting a webcam for christmas and a little tutorial on Skype. I am excited about the idea. Particularly the fact that my parents will be able to see my nephews (who also live out of town).

I've created with my friend Adi that our holiday will be the most fun, joyful, exciting trip of all time. Lots and lots of happiness, new traditions and joy. So I am watching for unexpected miracles. Little surprises that make this trip joyful and memorable.

Already miracles are happening. The cab came and it was a big clean cab van. I was so happy on the drive to the Airport. Then I found out my ticket was first class and elite travel. So I got to get on the plane first and sit in first class for the entire trip! Now I found a free wireless connection next to my gate...so I am working on stuff and I can hear my gate announcements.

So the week is starting out with a lot of magic and miracles. I am so happy and greatful about all of it...I appreciate it all!

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 21

2008-12-18T14:43:00.000-08:00

Intention
Appreciating the people I surround myself with..

Today
We have one more day until we are off for the holiday break! We had a holiday party with a white elephant exchange. It was so much fun. I love the group I work with its like we are a little mini family. My plan is to clean off my desk so that next year it will be clean and ready for the new year.

2008-12-13T01:25:00.000-08:00

Intention
I can trust

Today
We had our final moon party of the year in a magnificent estate. Christine was house sitting at the estate, so we gathered a small group of women to complete the year. Christine, in her usual fashion had every thing planned out...coat room, sections for cell phones and cameras, and the food spread was beautiful. We gathered on the couches to spill open, rant, cry and say what needed to be said. (Sometimes girls just need to be heard.)

The next part of the evening was extraordinary. She asked us all to review our year and share our accomplishments. As I sat there writing I realized that I was proud of me. I don't say that about myself often, but when I looked over the year I saw that I stood in front of many personally difficult situations and I kept pushing myself to trust. Trust God, trust people, trust myself. It was not easy and I didn't do it perfectly but when I missed the mark I learned from it and tried again. In some cases I reached out and asked for help. When I think about it, that's all I could ever ask of myself ... to try and ask for help when I need it. Basically, I stopped being so dang hard on myself this year. That is a victory in itself.

Look its not like everyday is hell...most days are pretty normal and then where are days where I feel tested...to ask for help...to not do it all by myself... to find creative options...to hang on 2 beats for the next resonant action/feeling/idea. What I celebrate is my willingness to keep at it and prevail.

I have lived much of my life like I am alone...this year I really got that I am NOT alone and I need people. I learned to create trust in my relationships with people. Not just that they know they can trust me...but I know what I need from them to trust them...and I am active in achieving that with them. This year I did that with more people than I ever have before. I had to dig deep to do it and forgive people in my past that I kept using as the proof for why I should not trust people...I even called the boyfriend that broke my heart when I was 19 years old to forgive him this year. I had not talked to him for 20 years. When I was complete I felt lighter and free. I had let the burden go around him and I could see a whole new future of marriage and joy.

Since then I have so much more freedom and let my feelings be known. It has given me sooo much freedom. I am proud of my willingness to do what would have been impossible for me to even think about before. All I could think about was how many people I did not trust because of something that happen when I was 19 years old. I have a whole new life now.

At the moon party as I shared I let it all go. I let them all know who I was and what I was dealing with. I let myself cry in front of them. I let myself celebrate with them. I was vulnerable infront of a whole group of people...like I had never done before.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 13

2008-12-10T15:30:00.000-08:00

Intention
Choosing Resonance

Today
I am a facebook junkie and I was chatting online instead of doing other things I needed to do. My friend Adi chimmed in to chat. She talked her self right through her resistance to meditate and moved in to the most beautiful medidation. When she got back online after her meditation she was clear and she had some solid pieces of information about her next steps.

It stuck me that life is that simple. Sit down be with yourself long enough for your wisdom within to speak. There is a gospel verse in a song that says "when you have done all you can do ... just stand." What Adi did was just stand. She resisted the doing, the busy, the movement, the grabbing for answers and just sat quietly and listened within. The answers came.

So she, in her infinate wisdom, is my inspiration today reminding me once again the answers are within me.

It really true for me that we have 2 choices...move toward what resonates and elevates us or move toward dissonance and fear. We do have a choice. The trick is to know where you are and where you are going from here.

What do I want?

Am I moving toward resonance (vibrating joy and possibility)
or dissonance (sinking into worry and fear)?

Am I willing to CHOOSE my path? or Am I a VICTIM of my path?

The choice is mine.

What will you choose?

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 12

2008-12-09T09:53:00.000-08:00

Intention
Choosing to Include

Today
I had a dream last night that I married a woman to help her get something. I got the ring and it was not a ring I liked. I remember driving and she was in the passenger seat and I was looking at the ring thinking "I didnt like this ring". As I drove I thought about what I did and wondered what was I thinking! If I found the right man to marry I would have to explain I married a woman to help her with something in her life. He would think I as crazy. Then I realized the marriage didnt mean anything since same sex marriages are not acknowledged by law. Then I realized I had to tell my family so I told them I was married to a man I had dated in the past. Then the dream flashes to my parents house. I was now married to this man. I was in the living room with my family and the guy was in the other room by himself. Then I thought why did I marry someone who would not fit with my family. Suddenly I heard him talking to my uncle and laughing and I felt way better.

I have no idea what that was about. Marrying someone to help them out. Marrying someone that doesnt seem to fit with my family. Interesting.

So what this dream is pointing me to is marrying someone to include them in every aspect of my life. Choosing someone to include in every aspect of my life.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 11

2008-12-08T00:42:00.000-08:00

Intention
Power + Femininity = Attraction

Today
This weekend I went to a retreat and training session for a special kind of coaches certification. I loved the weekend and spent the night in a great hotel. The weekend was all about fulfillment. My fulfillment and my clients fulfillment. It was amazing and wonderful what I learned.

I got that I have had this conversation running in the back of my mind that power is masculine and a masculine woman is not attractive to men. I saw how I sometimes down play my power and work really hard at showing my femininity to be more attractive to men.

I realized all of that is redundant. I am both powerful and feminine and it is wildly attractive to men.

I got to create a different point of view for myself. That power is power. It's neither masculine or feminine. There is feminine power and it is attractive.

So I am going to hang out in that for a few days. I am powerful and I am feminine and Feminine power is wildly attractive to men.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 6

2008-12-03T15:34:00.000-08:00

Intention
Delight in the possibilities!

Today
My bosses boss went to Hawaii for a vacation and brought back the best cookies ever. I have been eating them like crazy. The short bread chocolate dipped cookies are sooooooo gooooood!
I mean we were moaning when we ate it. Yummy!

I have been contemplating adoption for a while and then I get scared..I love my single carefree life and I put the idea of children on the back burner. Tonight I go to a home for unwed mothers, many of whom may give their children up for adoption. Tonight I want to know if motherhood is something I will pursue for myself. I made up my mind to not have children a while back but when the subject comes up to seriously consider having children I start crying uncontrollably. Not sure if that is just hormones or if I really have a calling to be a mother. So tonight I want to get more information about what it will be like for me to make this decision. How long will it take. How will I prepare? I just dont have all the details yet...so tonight I want my questions answered and a clear direction set for my next steps.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 4

2008-12-01T22:31:00.000-08:00

Intention
Carpe Diem

Today
"I let this year pass me by waiting for you to change your mind."
~ Julie (aka Me)

This is something that came to me last night as I reviewed everything I said at the beginning of the year about what I wanted to accomplish in 2008. I let some relationships distract me from creating and pursueing the life I wanted.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 3

2008-12-01T05:27:00.000-08:00

Intention
Create the best holiday season ever!

Today
Last night there was weather on the east coast so my flight was delayed until this morning. So I am in the Airport waiting for my flight in the next 30 min to start boarding. It was great to stay one more night I went with Marcia to dinner and we sat up late watching movies and decorating her Christmas tree.

I am NOT a morning person but being on time this morning for the new flight means being up at 430am to get dressed and close my suitcase again. Soizic is going to pick me up in San Jose. I'm also going to miss part of the day at work. After being off for a week I really dont really want to miss any more work days. But I have not choice.

This morning I was thinking about Christmas and how I get really weird around christmas. Kind of sad and weepy and clingy. I realized this morning that I dont really like christmas. I freak out over who to get a gift for. I worry that I am leaving someone out. I stress over going home. How long should I stay...Spending time with my family vs going to party with friends. I wish I had a family of my own so I could create the holiday the way I want. I feel stuck. I'm a little down in the mouth this morning. Maybe at a better hour I will feel more optimistic.

So I guess the name of the game is ...
How will I create Christmas this year to express who I am and leave me looking back at this holiday as the best in years.

What difference did this intention make today?
Today I decided to create my own version of Christmas that expresses me. Everything I do has some kind of meaning so I decided that Christmas is a time to celebrate a great year. So I went to Target and got a bunch of holiday stuff to decorate my house. I hung up lights and I pulled out all the old holiday stuff. Its a work in progress. I got an ornament for my wreath. (I don"t want a tree) . I used to get a new ornament every year. This year I got a frog prince to symbolize the prince charming that is coming in 2009.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 2

2008-11-30T20:16:00.000-08:00

Intention
Ask for what you want with trusting listeners and act as if.

Today
We went for breakfast at a local Idaho joint. It was a dark hole in the wall but the food was great. Four women stuffed in a small booth, laughing and telling stories. It was a delight. Later we all hung out at Marcia's for more discussion and story telling. It was magic to be in a room with such powerful women...creating our futures. There were hugs , tears and prayers.

So Marcia is going to make her next promotion March 2009
Sonya will show her film at Sundance Film Festival in Jan 2009
Rachel will be moving out of Idaho in 2009 to some place fabulous.
I will be married in 2009.

100 Day Challenge + Season 7 + Day 1

2008-11-29T07:58:00.000-08:00

Intention
Saying what needs to be said.

Today
This is the first day of my challenge. I woke up a little sad today. Not sure why but I guess I know that if I want the life I want I'll need to say what I need to say, even if it is unpopular. I fear people being upset or not understanding. That is always there for me. I have become courageous over the years to say it anyway...but the fear is there. I heard once that courage is having fear and doing it anyway. Well I am VERY courageous. I just had hoped the fear would go away one day. It hasn't. So when I need to say something I will need to accept that sometimes the fear will be there. I can let it be there and stop being soooo upset that it will not go away and say what I need to say.

I guess this is all coming up because I realized there are somethings I need to say to someone I know and its not going to be easy. Its not going to be easy for me to say it and its not going to be easy to say it without wanting to get something out of it. I am so fearful I have been trying to rehearse what I want to say so I dont mess it up or cry or show I care. Hmmm I dont want this person to know I care that much.

So I guess that's it. When I need to say tough things there will be fear there. I can do it anyway. I also know that I may want something out of it. I can let that be there too. I can also push through and let the other person know I care. I can be vulnerable and be authentic all at the same time....is possible.

100 Day Challenge | Season 6 | Day 100

2008-11-27T00:12:00.000-08:00

Its the end of my Season 6 100 Day Challenge!

I celebrate spending 100 Days in service to others and myself.
100 Days to complete with past relationships so I can love those in my life today more fully.
- Completing with LLoyd an exboyfriend
- Renewing my friendships from High School.

100 Days to welcome and appreciate my femininity and self-expression.
- My 40th birthday party planned the way I wanted
- The Weddings I attended and fully participated in
- Being the giggling peacock and enjoying life and flirtation

In this challenge I saw how I hold back in accomplishing my business goals and in the dating game. I fear putting my foot down for what I want. I tip toe and wait for things to fix themselves. In this challenge I found the courage to say what I want, stand for my own peace of mind and clarity, and flirt my ass off. What worked was doing things that helped me feel confident to accomplish an objective like flirting. I didn't wait until I had more information, was 30lbs lighter, had the right people, etc. I didn't read another book on what to DO. I focused on embodying what I want and being sexy for myself and then it was natural to take actions, share and flirt with lots of people. I allowed people in my life to support and empower me in feeling accomplished, alive and sexy for myself. I sent text messages to my friend of sexy shoes I saw. I accepted many invitations to go out to parties. I stopped being so focused on being accepted and turned my attention for doing what expressed me fully. I spent weeks looking for dresses for parties I wanted to attend, because I love to shop. I had my makeup professionally done so I felt beautiful and sexy. When I felt sexy all I wanted to do was be out there with people. Then I was empowered by my coaching class to step out and be joyfully flamboyant and suddenly...like a grade school dare, I took the leap and really let who I am out in full force. I let go and let myself express my joy fully. I let my energy get all over people. I was able to invite everyone into the flirtation dance. I could see how powerful feminine energy is and I could embrace it and embody it and then I saw how it empowered other women and created a freedom for everyone.

Goal for 100 Day Challenge: Season 7

2008-11-25T22:34:00.000-08:00

Intention
To be the giggling peacock...family is everything! My life joyful, properous and gloriously flamboyant! I have what I want with grace and ease.

Possibility
full self-expression, love, abundance, community and partnership.

Practice
Dealing with what is between me and expressing the intention and possibility.
- being courageous in the area of letting people know I care about them.

Expression of that Intention
- I have launched an online workshop and workbook
- I am married

Action Steps
- Do what is the fullest expression of me , do what I know to do and surrender the rest to the universe .... the universe is abundant and will provide what I need.

Goals
I have launched an online workshop and workbook.
- Update my website
I am Married
- Setting a clear intention.
So my intention is to be in a romantic passionate relationship that results in the most loving, abundant, easy, romantic and loyal marriage anyone has ever seen.
- Following the advice of happily married couples. Seeing the possibility of a happy marriage and being encouraged by happy couples.
- Work in community to create a husband list (qualities I want in a husband)
- Communicating those needs and being an unwavering stand for them to show up in my relationship.
- He needs to want to be in relationship...with me.

Season 7 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 0

2008-11-20T16:11:00.000-08:00

Intention
My Femininity is like thunder and I express it flamboyantly with JOY!

Today
I am in this wonderful spin from the last weekend. I saw how my expression as a feminine woman creates a ruckus. Its a playful joy ruckus. Its a sensual ruckus that invites intimacy and love. It is warm and inviting ruckus and it is free and flowing like a deep river.

The truth is ... I have been afraid of it. Afraid it would attract more than I could handle. Affraid it would make other women mad. Afraid nobody would respond. Last weekend I saw what it was like to express ALL of my passion in a safe protected environment - a group of powerful men. I had soo0000o much room to let go...without judgement...without restriction AND it was acknowledged and appreciated! I was the "giggling peacock" of the gathering. I was expressed, unapologetic and free.

The reaction from others was amazing to experience. Men drawing closer, eyes wide open, mouth dropped, hypnotized, enraptured. I have blamed my weight for why I don't think men find me sexy. I realized it is my attention on that, that made me feel not sexy. So when I took my attention off that and focused on being joyful and flamboyant...the playful sensual side of me came out and I was sexy as HELL. And honey! the energy was moving all over the place. I had men surrounding me...getting me what I need, competing for who could take care of me more.

Impact of that on women for the most part is it sparked them and then we where sparking on each other. The energy moved and flowed with grace and ease. There were 2 women who were not in the flow of that and I saw them resist, make wrong and withdraw, protect, cling. I saw myself in them, felt deep compassion and continued to invite them to play. Then one joined in while the other stood her ground...but I had invited.

I found myself appreciating the confident women who where open, allowing, inviting, playing with me. Women who where so secure they were not threatend by what I was doing ( and I was doing that thing I used to say to myself..."that woman should be ashamed of herself"... and loving it!) and they joined me in the play. I felt so appreciated and alive. I want more experiences like this. I am so lit up and excited!

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 100 +1

2008-11-18T07:54:00.000-08:00

Intention
Including vibrancy

Today
Its the day after my season 6 100 day challenge. Its nice to get to the end of it to give me some time for reflection. This season like many seasons I had many wonderful things happen but the goals I set didnt really happen. Not in ways the Laws of Attraction should have produced. The Laws of attraction produced more of what I put my attention on and less of what I listed I wanted for this challenge. Not because anything was wrong or I did something wrong...but because I didnt really keep what I wanted present for myself in a meaningful way. Which brings me to something I got in this challenge...I keeping my eyes on the prize and invite others to support me in that...to really make it happen. That is actually why part of what I do is coach. Even coaches need coaches.

There is part of dreamweaving which centers around including others in our dreams. Inviting others to play in our dreams. Allowing others to contribute to our dreams. Contributing to other peoples dreams. I love contributing and I am getting better at allowing others contributions to me. My reciever button is a little rusty...but I have been slowing down and allowing other peoples contributions to land with me in my belly.

Last night I was sharing with my friend about the wedding I attended this weekend. The whole weekend was a contribution to me. I enjoyed every moment. I took in all the sights and sounds. I danced. I allowed each complement to land in my belly. I felt beautiful, alive and vibrant. I allowed innocent flirtations to flow through me and round me. I felt alive and vibrant.

I want that feeling every day of my life. That feeling of aliveness. That feeling of vibrancy. I want that feeling and I want to share that feeling with others. I think I do but now I am more aware of it than ever before.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 96

2008-11-13T11:46:00.000-08:00

Intention
Allowing Life in and allowing life to support me

Today
So as not to make the omission of the circumstance of yesterday be too suspenseful...what happend yesterday was ... our office announced we will be shut down for 4 weeks between now and the first of the year. Great news! Since it means I will be able to relax and enjoy my holiday with family...bad news...No Pay!. Good news...I know now so I can plan. That's the big secret.

I spoke with my "go to guy" and he was really supportive. He didn't tell me what to do...he just listened. It was great. I felt better after we talked.

I have been such a "do it my way, do it myself" girl that it was liberating to seek someone elses councel when I was feeling bad. I don't feel alone. I dont feel the need to keep the spin going. I can stop the spin faster with support so I can on with other things. I dont think I have ever experienced this in that way before. I am inspired to keep that going in my life.

I was able to get back on track with some daily meditations. I have been doing these nightly sensual meditations to awaken creative power and it is really working. I have felt so creative and I have been attracting so much attention from men in the last few days. I felt so alive. I dont want one circumstance to dampen all of that....no way!

If I had held on to the yuck if yesterday I would have been stressed and bummed out...I'm not. I'm planning a wonderful weekend at my friends wedding

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 95

2008-11-12T14:06:00.000-08:00

Intention
Everything is moving me toward my good.

Today
I got some news today that made me happy then freaked me out and then I felt so scared all I could do was write this blog! I'm not going to go into the details because it really doesnt matter...there is no way to change it... it is what it is. Whining about it will not help me or empower you...so I am going to let that go with the wind and share what I want you to know about all this.

What I want to share with you is that in the face of all of my circumstances,
I realized that I have 2 choices...
One: freak out and sink in to fear and get stopped.
Two: Accept what is, do what needs to be done, and keep moving.

I dont want to be stopped but I'm also having some resistance to accepting what is. Normally I would make myself do what needs to be done and keep moving even if I didnt accept it. Today I realized I needed to reach out and call my "go to guy". I need support accepting what is and not freaking out. I called him to let him support me. I called him for leadership. I called him to let him in to my humanity and create a connection from here. Connection to the softer, "I need you", gentle part of me. I resisted calling and reaching out (my big I can go it myself kicked in) but Spirit had other plans ... I am learning to surrender to the Divine will.

When what happend today happend and my mind started to race with dooms day scenarios, I found the strength within me to stop, get still, focus on what is true, focus on possibility and in that moment I was choosing LIFE. From that place the wisdom of what was next popped up. I got a strong intuative hit to call my "go to guy". So I did. I'm not sure what is next but I am back in the flow...and all good things happen in the flow.

2008-11-12T00:50:00.001-08:00

2008-11-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

Intention
Giggling Peacock

Today
Yeahhh! I started my certification program for executive coaching this weekend. Even though I have been coaching for years...the material was still challenging. It was great to sharpen my skills.

Key Learnings at the Weekend:

Giggling Peacock
I learned that I hold back in my coaching.

During the workshop, the group was asked to share with me where they wanted me to expand ... they called it the "giggling peacock" (playful and flamboyant) and part of the day we all where asked to embody our given characters. I had to strut my stuff and laugh out loud alot. I was surprised how much energy it took to generate that. I was physically hot and sweating. It took alot for me to generate that way of being. It was liberating...I heard my mom in my head saying "girl, stop showing off" and I kept showing off. I took being flamboyant, loud, determined, sure, and clear to whole new level for myself. They even had us come into a big circle and do it in front of the group. When it was my turn, it felt like something within me took over. I remember the pregnant pause for my entry. I remember the rumble in my belly. I remember the cheers from the group. I remember strutting my stuff and my arms moving and my attitude. It was wonderful. I have not felt that free in a long time.

People are big
I learned I need to swing out more in my boldness with clients. I saw where I hold back because I feel I'll be too much for someone or upset someone. Now I realize people have way more room for me to take risks with them and say what I need to say. Its kind of like people want me to be that bold so they know I care. People like me being in their face. In other words people can take it...I need to stop thinking people are too small to deal with my coaching. They can handle it and they want it.

I had a great time doing some coaching sessions and interaction exercises in class. So I have some actions to take in the next week:

- Rewrite/revise my mission and vision statement for my practice
- Make a list of things that need to be done to relauch the site.
- Be bold when other bold people are in the room

Season 6 100 Day Challenge | Day 89

2008-11-06T08:11:00.000-08:00

Speaking of letting others support you. I was watching Tim Gund's Guide to Style and Linda is an expert in NY in bra fitting. I have been looking for the perfect bra for me for years. I'm going to make a trip to NYC to see this woman.

Intention
I include others....I am surrounded my loving supporters of my joy and fulfillment

Today
So my leadership matters...The thing that allows me to fully lead and create a family is clearity and space. Space in my body, space in my spirit and space in my environment.

This morning I took the first step to creating clarity in my body and spirit. I restared my morning workout routine. I have to tell you I didnt want to do it. It took everything I had to get up and do it. My bed was warm. I love to sleep. But I got up and worked out for 30-40 min. For the first few minutes I was full of complaints...I couldn't find my shoes. I couldn't find socks. There were no pockets for my mp3 player in my workout jacket. I sat on the couch putting on my shoes and dozed off for a few minutes. I was resisting this big time. My committment to do it was bigger than my resistance... So I did it anyway...I worked out...cranky and all.

When it was almost over, I was happy. I did it and enjoyed my workout.
I will do it again tomorrow
I will did it cranky again if I have to (I'm not committed to that but if its there its there)

On my walk I realized how much easier it would be to do all this if I just allowed myself to be supported by others. I can be a big "dont tell me what to do!" at times and that really limits people's ability to support, help and encourage me. Everyone needs a little push...I can let go of being so stubborn when I feel vulnerable.

There are so many people out there egging me on, cheering me on, wanting me to succeed and I can stop being a big " Dont tell me what to do! I'll do it myself" so I can have what I want...maybe even faster than I have ever had before. LOL.

Today I celebrate the gift of being supported fully!

What opens up is including others.

What will you allow others to cheer you on, egg you on and celebrate you in success...today? Who are your cheerleaders and where have you been neglecting or preventing them from being successful with you? Where are you blocking the blessings others are offering you? Will you let that go, appreciate thier support and let them support you in making micromovements toward your goal...TODAY?

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 88

2008-11-05T23:48:00.000-08:00

Intention
Possibility is Possible

Today
The election win last night was amazing. I laughed. I cried. I feel like something is possible that was never possible before.

I flashed through every conversation I had with my parents. The uncle who left the family for many years t0 pass for white. I remember the conversations with friends in college about "why do we need affirmative action", "Why don't we (African-American people) stop being so angry and let all the slavery stuff go", "Why should I have to pay for what my great great great parent did to your people", "Racism is alive because "you people" keep it alive"....going to Idaho in the '90s and being called "a pretty little colored girl"..the list goes on.

But last night Obama's win closed a chapter on all of that for me. Obama won by a land slide. America has spoken. My America voted yes to a Black president. The America that I some how felt like a visitor in...said yes to me. I feel strangely included, welcomed and accepted for the first time in my life.

Last night I cried for the possibility of pure possibility. I cried harder when Obama acknowledged Michelle...his wife. In that moment I realized then I had NEVER considered the possibility of a Black first lady. EVER! Suddenly there was something extra for ME. I matter. I matter as a black woman. I matter in relationship. I matter in the creation of life. My support and my leadership matters. I got that my leadership as a black woman in relationship and in side of family matters...its valuable and its needed.

I wonder if they will serve soul food at the inagural ball? That would be sooooo cool!

100 Day Challenge | Season 6 | Day 87

2008-11-04T14:41:00.000-08:00

Intention
Unconditional generosity

Today
It's election day and everyone is talking about who will win. I have a gut feeling about it so I think the next thing is to think about what I want after the election is over and the real work begins. I want all the candidates to support each other in moving this country forward. I want who ever loses to take the time they need to mourn and heal from the loss. All of the candidates put thier heart and soul into this election. Who ever looses will feel it.

I want the winner to roll up thier sleeves and get to work doing what needs to be done. I cant wait to see what Obama will do (if elected) for the inagural ball. I might go home to DC to see the swearing in of the president.

To be president is a generous thing. If you think of it...its someone committed to make decisions on behalf of an entire nation. An entire Nation. That is bigger that any CEO has ever had to deal with. They must do what they think is right in the face of apposing views and risk not being liked, popular or failing. It takes real strength and leadership to do that. Not just the one time kind of leadership when nobody else will do it kind of leadership...but the long sustaining leadership that moves businesses to IP offering, expansion and through crisises.

There is a calling forward of leadership in this election. Not because you have to but because leadership is needed. I am way too worried about what people might do to me to retaliate against me for decisions they my not like...to ever be president.

It made me consider ...
Where am I called to leadership because leadership is needed?
Where do I resist being the leader because I fear mistreatment, difficulty, and retaliation from others?

2008-10-30T09:56:00.000-07:00

Intention
Love is stronger than fear

Today
Last night I had a bit of car trouble. It was scary but my friends where there. Particularly Adi and this Morning Carole and Julie. I had a plan and people who I could check in with as things progressed...I was not alone.

I called the tow truck and they took me to the mechanic. I am so greatful for my long standing relationship with Doug...he is this mechanic I was introduced to by my friend Baldemar. Doug is always calm and always clear about what he can and cannot do for my car. He always greets me with a smile and Says "what happend?" Today I just wanted to hug him. He knew what was wrong with the car and did all the diagnostics to figure out exactly what it needed, how much it would cost and how long it would take. It will take most of the afternoon for them to fix it. I'll need to get a ride home and work from there today. I wish I had taken my computer home today. So I'll need help getting my computer. Getting home. Getting to Work or Getting my computer and getting from home or work back to the mechanic.

One thing this has taught me is that we need each other...even if its just a kind word or hand holding. Matter of fact thats kind of all I need in times like this. A call, and offer of support or a check in like..."I'm here you are not alone"

One of the things that really freaks me out are car issues. Its the key to my independence. It lets me know I have the power to get myself out of or to something when I want to. The threat of that being taken away even for an hour or two totally freaks me out. The option or the choice of being free to get where I want to go...it a real threat to my identity.

Today I realized that as long as I allow myself to be supported by people...I can always get to where I want to go. They key is to allow support, appreciate support, invite support, and welcome support...and maybe even include being supported in my planning.

So if today you find someone going through something...you really dont need a solution...you just need to let them know you are there and ask them what they need in that moment.

Love is stronger than fear
Julie

2008-10-30T00:43:00.000-07:00

Intention
Know and accept thy self and ask for what you need.

Today
My car started to smoke today...Its leaking coolant ( I think thats what it is ...greenish yellow liquid) I am so glad I got it home. I didnt want to be on the side of a road waiting for a tow truck by myself at night. I just chanced it and took myself home...car smoking and people looking and all. I just took myself home. When I got home I realized I didnt know what to do. I would usually call my dad or some man friend but nobody answered. I just sat there looking at my smoking hood thinking what should I do. I felt helpless and I didnt want to be alone. So I called my friend. She sounded in the middle of something and I almost wanted to get off the phone...but I said my car was smoking and I didnt know what to do. So we talked for a bit until the smoke died down. We devised a plan of action for tomorrow and I got off the phone.

I am so glad I have her and people like her in my life to be by my side when I am scared or sad or happy or excited.

Tomorrow I will go to the mechanic to have him work on my car. The good news is I have a new Lap top....so tomorrow I will work on some stuff from Starbucks. I always wanted to have that experience.

2008-10-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

I got this recipe from my mom who got it from the Kraft Kitchen, for People Who Care About Diabetes. She made it for my dad and they both loved it because its good and O Calories and O Carbs...they sent it to me...and now I'm sharing it with you.

1 Tub crystal Light Low Calorie Iced Tea Mix
1 Tub Crystal Light Lemonade Flavor Low Calorie Soft Drink Mix
1 tsp ground Cinnamon
1/4 tsp ground Cloves

Mix all ingredients. Store in tightly covered jar at room temperature. For Single Serving; Stir 1/2 teaspoon mix into 3/4 cup of boiled water in mug.. Serve with lemon slices and cinnamon sticks if you desire. We liked it just as it is without the lemon slice. You can also use the store brand of the tea and Lemonade drink mix.

Enjoy

Halloween Costumes Pt2

2008-10-27T15:22:00.003-07:00

That's Perla, Me and Julie S. as the three stooges.

Halloween Costume Shopping!

2008-10-27T15:22:00.001-07:00

Can you believe it ...thats me in the halloween costume.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 79

2008-10-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

Intention

Endulge .... yourself and me!

Today

You can never have too much of a good thing...

This weeked was delightful! I spent the weekend with a friend and her daughter making favors for her wedding. The favors turned out beautifully and we had a great time in her mountain retreat house deep in the woods. We sat on her patio drinking wine and eating fruit and cheese. When the little one went to sleep we watched tv show we both LOVE..Housewives of Atlanta. We laughed and screamed at the tv...rewinded when we wanted to see another section again. It was so fun. Then we watched a movie I have been seeing everywhere ( I think Gods trying to tell me something) the movie was "Maid of Honor". It was such a cute.

After breakfast the next morning I went back down the hill to do a bit of my weekend shopping. I was totally relaxed. Aidan called to invite me for coffee but I was out and about so when I called back he was almost done with coffee. Shoot it would have been nice to see him before he leaves for his business trip over seas.

I picked up all the stuff I needed for the week and started working on putting together some things I need to prepare for, for the next few weeks. I caught the end of a really cute TV show called Valentine. I loved it. I reminds me of the show Charmed but it has a bit more sophistication. I think that is my next guilty pleasure.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 75

2008-10-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

Intention
Laughter and Letting Go

Today
The group went to California Chicken Coop today and it was so fun. We only have an hour for lunch so we had to be efficient. We left early to eliminate the traffic and lines. Our food can quickly and we could spend more time talking than waiting for food. We had the most beautiful salads and the ice tea was so yummy ... I love it when they add flavors to the iced tea...mine was rasberry with lots of ice. I love ice. We sat out side in the sun and talked and laughed and told stories. It was so much fun. There was a farmer's market a block a way and we all went to look at stuff and I found the most beautiful earrings and a ring. Its clear quarts and so brilliant. I love it. We were back at work to catch the next wave of deadlines and meetings...we were totally refreshed!

Later today I'm getting my stuff together to spoil my friends little girl (She loves fancy nancy...and so do I) and spend the weekend with my friend in her mountain cabin. I could use a little retreat time with the girls in the woods. Their home is so wonderful and quiet. I have never slept so solid. I always sleep solid when there are other people in the house. This will be a real treat.

I also got a new laptop computer. Its so cute. I cant wait to get home and turn it on and see how everything works. I am so excited to be able to create on the road and do more videos for the 100 Day Challenge.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 74

2008-10-23T13:33:00.000-07:00

Intention
Celebrate Beauty in Community

Today
A group of us have been craving Sprinkles Cupcakes since it first opened in this area this summer. We are die hard fans and today we all went to get our favorite flavors. We got there a little early and didnt have to wait in line...we only have an hour for lunch and the drive was 20 min so we had to be really organized and get what we wanted ...order a real lunch next door at the deli and head back to the office. It was a delightful time.

It was so much fun to celebrate the beauty of flavorful food together. Oprah says love is in the details and this place oozes with details the just scream love. Each cupcake is a work of art. We took handfuls of thier custom designed wooden forks and knives...because they were so cool. We loved the simple brown box and brown bag that holds every item you buy. We oooohhed and aaaahhhed in unison when we opend our boxed to revieal the beautiful confections within. Everything was a delight to the senses. ( I cant say delight enough)

When we got back to the office I tried the Red Velvet cupcake and I almost fainted it was so good. It was teh BEST cupcake I have ever tasted! Each bite was an explosion of flavor and smoothness. I was in heaven. It was so rich and good I could only eat one and then I needed to literally rest. If I could take a nap right now I would...But I still have half a day at work to complete.

It was a delightful lunch!

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 74

2008-10-22T13:04:00.000-07:00

Intention:

My beauty is Intoxicating!

Today:

I purchased this dress from Igigi.com and I love it. I need to exchange it for a different size but it is perfect. I have a coctail party to go to in a few weeks and this is the dress I plan on wearing. I already have some really cute shoes.

Isnt it great to be a girl. There are whole sections in the store for us and what we need. It is a multi billion dollar business to keep us satisfied. I love it. So today is all about beauty and the intoxicating effects of beauty.

I wrote this to a friend today:

I celebrate you ...

- accepting good fruit in your life
- expecting good fruit in your life
- requesting to be nurished by the people and circumstances in your life
- accepting no less than nurishment in your life
- expecting no less than nurishment In your life
- needing and allowing the conditions for growth to be present in your life

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 73

2008-10-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

Intention

Be big...no excuses!

Today

Have you ever thought you might be special...maybe people have even told you you are great but YOU just dont get it? Well that is what I have been working on and journalling about for years. Not so I can see how great I am and give myself a pat on my own back. But because when I know what is great about me and I believe it...I also know its not mine to keep to myself...its for me to share with others. Its the missing link in another persons puzzel...the link to the next page for someone else...the missing link in life. When I dont know and believe I have a value...I dont share at all or I try to share what I think will make people like me, be happy or get me noticed. All of that is about me. Until I know that I am valuable all there is is to keep digging until I find it and then and only then can I share it with others.

So today the things I do naturally and bring me joy...are my gifts. If it brings me joy I will want to keep doing it. If I do it naturally there is no effort. It is the highest expression of my spirit. Things that disturb my spirit take me off the path. I am on alert when something disturbs my spirit.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 72

2008-10-20T14:30:00.001-07:00

Intention
Joy: Preciousness in action!

Today
Everyone should know how precious they are to each other. How valued and appreciated they are. How unique their contribution is. Today I have been watching for that and listening for that. Everyone has a unique contribution...It might look like others contribute the same thing but not really...the flavor will be slightly different for each person.

I provide alot of joy, energy, love, creativity...what I need from people in my life to provide that is acknowledgement and appreciation. I am acknowledged when people want more of what I naturally provide. One time I was asked to join a training in Hawaii because the teachers thought my energy would balance out the group. I went for free and I was so acknowledged by their request.

I also need space to choose. I hate someone offering me something and wanting a decision now. If they want it now I am an automatic NO. I need space to consider and think.

Today we went to a very pretty place for lunch. We all piled in to my car ... turned up the music and talked and giggled the whole way to the restaurant. It is a lovely fall day. The leaves are turning colors and there is a bit of a snap in the air. The sun felt warm on my skin. We had a lovely lunch...sharing stories and then we all went to starbucks for coffee after. We walked back to my car... laughing the whole way sipping our coffee. I was a delightful afternoon. I am sooo blessed. I love my co-workers and I love my job.

2008-10-19T19:29:00.000-07:00

Tarot Reading

Question
What do you want me to know about my relationship?

Response

Past
You have just did something or experienced something that gave you an expanded experience of trusting another human being and trusting yourself. This opened a door to experiencing love more fully and deeply from others and yourself. You have a better sense of your value. You are experiencing more freedom in relationships because you have a larger capacity to love, be loyal and love unconditionally.

Present
A recent issue has you in survival mode ... defending yourself and protecting your heart.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 71

2008-10-19T12:02:00.001-07:00

Intention
Acceptance and Love

Today
This experiment about energy is amazing. I was talking to a friend who is aware of her own energy and how it works and it was great to share experiences.

When she goes in a room she spreads her energy out. She has one intention to spread the joy that radiates from her heart and body. She then watches as people respond to her energy. She gives a lot of eye contact...acknowledging those that picked up on what she put out. Those become her playmates for the evening. She talks to them. She plays. She flirts ...just enough to get things going but not enough to attract any action...she's happily married for many many many years and this is just how she expresses her femininity. It is fascinating to watch.

I have known her for a long time and when I first met her and she did this I was fascinated and scared of it. When I was a younger woman I would do a similar thing but I seemed to attract people that where creepy or aggressive or would not leave me alone. I would have to get really mean to get them away from me. Watching her do this in the past would scare me. I was waiting for the creep to show up and never leave. But you know it never happened with her. The people we met were delightful and we always had a great time. I like going out with her now because of the great time we have to this day.

When I go in to a room ... I spread my energy out like thick goo...it's slow and thick....heavy and deep. It permeates the space and sinks deep in the roots of energy of the people in the room. I don't even scan with my eyes because I allow myself to feel first. Then I scan the room. I listen for a feeling...what resonates...is it safe here or not...is there someone here I want to meet or not. I am looking for depth and substance...I am looking for a soul wisdom connection. When I sense a direct hit..I look for where its coming from... I will target someone I want to connect with and then move near them and strategically create openings to connect. It's kind of like some type of human dowsing system.

I am happy with how this works for me but when I don't make a connection I get disappointed and I don't have fun anymore. I want to stop all that when that happens and still play. So today I am going to try my friends method ... I can still go deep, spread my joy and just to see what happens. I'm off to the farmers market to try it.

6:40pm
I went out to go deep AND spread my joy...and appreciate the reaction from people. I did a bunch of things to pump up joy. I listened to music. I wore my favorite blouse, I wore my favorite shades. I felt like a hot mama! I went to the farmers market and looked around for beautiful food. I didn't see food but I found some beautiful Dalia flowers in deep magenta. I put them in a lovely bag and then as I admired everything I felt like I wanted to go for coffee. I walked there admiring the trees and the houses on the way. I went to the coffee shop and ordered coffee. I went to the book store and headed home.

I noticed how men reacted to me. How they noticed me and how they smiled. I created a bit of off balance in some of them. I would come in to places and if someone noticed me I would give a big smile... and a few of them took double takes and started tipping over a bit. Like it was a shock to see me...or my smile or being seen. I can see men have a HUGE challenge in life...women are sooooo intoxicating to watch. With all of our soft skin, bouncy hair, sweet smelling, juiciness. A woman who doesn't bring out the best in herself as a women is like a wasted opportunity. Like a Faberge egg covered in dust, in a sock, in a shoe box, in a closet under the stairs. I am all about women getting out from under what ever is dulling their shine, polishing themselves to full shine and letting that be a gift to the world. I didnt really understand it until today...but it really does make the world shine.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 69

2008-10-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

Intention
Attract a bevy of suitors to choose from

Today
Tonight I feel like flirting my ass off. Being a gorgeous woman in a space full of admiring men. I want to be given gifts. I want my hand kissed. I want to enjoy being a woman. I want to know and experience how powerful my feminine energy is. I want to know and experience how seductive my energy is.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 63

2008-10-11T15:52:00.000-07:00

Intention
I have Faith: Believe in the Power of Love

Today
Last night I got this powerful feeling to go to the beach and burn those letters. I called a friend to go with me and she had other plans. I was disappointed. I almost changed my mind. Then I realized this was a lesson too. She was not able to be there for me and hold the space I needed because she did not feel balanced. She needed to take care of herself. I appreciated the honesty and I got something for myself. When I'm not felling balanced I am not available for the people in my life. Sure I might pretend I am present to make them happy (sit there, nod my head, smile a bit) but I'm not really present and I pretend I am. It's a perpetual dance...noticing if I'm present and saying or doing what needs to be done to be present again. It's a moment to moment thing. Its a sacred loving practice. The key is ... can I be honest when I am not present and not pretend or operate on top of that. My friend was honest and she was not willing to operate on top of that...I respect her integrity in that.

So I went to the beach in the dark...through the windy roads to my favorite beach front hotel. Each room is a suite with fireplace, music, mini kitchen and a big deep bath tub. When I got there the first thing I did was sit in the hot tub by the ocean. I was just me, the moon and the sounds of the ocean. I imagined each old boyfriend and thanked each one for the gifts they gave me.

I then went for a swim in the pool. A few great laps to open my heart and release knots in my body. It was wonderful. I love to swim. Then I went back to my room, lit a fire in the fireplace and took a long hot bubble bath with half a box of epson salts and some bubble stuff from Lush. I lit candles in the water glasses from the hotel and put them all around the bath room. I played soft music from my MP3 player and enjoyed the moment. I felt so free. I got out and put on one of the hotels big fluffy robes. I then created a sacred place for the letters. I made a huge circle on the coffee table with candles and put the letters in the center. I called all the angels to bless the men who wrote them and I took the bundle to the fire place. As I held each letter I let any emotion that was there come up. There was some laughter, some anger and some tears. I held each one until I felt complete and then I tossed the letter in the fire. It took about 2 hours and the release was profoundly inspiring.

After reading some of the letters, I was present for the first time in years to how much those men loved me...how much they impacted my life...how much I impacted their lives...I was left with the fact that I am a valuable asset in a relationship and I am lovable.

I am complete with these relationships and I am free

I took another salty bubble bath and had a little dinner and went to bed.

The next day I got up early and had breakfast and read a magazine by the ocean. I took the afternoon to wonder the streets of the beach town and do a bit of shopping. I got 2 stones for my entry way to mark this powerful moment in my life...that say "Love" and "Believe". That is what is present now...the power of love and believing in myself.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 62

2008-10-10T01:47:00.000-07:00

Intention
Purge the Old

Today
One of my goals this challenge is to take my dating life to a whole new level. Sometimes the universe needs to show us what we need to clear, before it can give us what we really want.

I have been holding on to some old experiences from past relationships. Its been in my way for a while and I havent really done everything I know to do to let that go. I let go and hold a part. I release and pull something out of the pile to reminice. It feels like a fog. I am the only one who can clear the fog of my life. I stuffed many of the old hurts and disappointments deep inside me. I'm sure there are a couple of extra inches on my hips from a few experienced. As soon as I realized this, I gave myself permission to cry and let all the emotions come up and flow out. I nurtured myself with a bubble bath, a cup of tea, a shopping trip for new shoes and a gabfest with my best girl friend. I am grateful for friendships during these little episodes.

I felt much better.

A day or two later I came home and noticed a box I hadn't noticed before. Its been there for a while but I hadnt opened it in a few years. I opened it to find 100s of old letters and some where love letters. I thought of reading and remembering each of boyfriend...what they did or didn't do. I lived it, I didnt need to read anything more about it. So I took the box and sat with a good friend. One by one I put the letters in a pile. I had a moment of remembering the person and then I separated out the love letters in to a huge pile. I held all the letters in a big bundle in my hands and wrapped them with a rubber band. As I held them I felt free, in control, alive and powerful. This was my past. These were the relationships of the past...they dont have to have anything to do with what I want in the future. I brought the bundle home to put in on my altar. I lit candles. I need to burn them this weekend. I need to let them go... I need to turn from the past and toward the future.

The universe is clearly showing me ... that if I want the relationship of my dreams I need to let go of the relationships of the past. I have been a single woman with a posse of old boyfriends and old boyfriend stories and old boyfriend stories and suspicion. Come to think of it I have never been a single woman...until now.

By letting go of all these old boyfriend stories, I open myself up to a true romance...the romance of a life time

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 60

2008-10-08T23:06:00.000-07:00

Intention
Letting Go

Today
This week has been a big week. One of my intentions for this challenge was to take my dating life to a whole new level. Well that is happening, but not in the way I thought it would work. I had this vision of dating all over the place and having so much fun doing it. But that is not happening...what is happening is that I am deepening my connections to the men in my life and I am seeing places that are incomplete from the past around some of the men in my life. Recently I got in touch with the first time I got my heart broken. I remembered the pain and the grief. It was never possible to be hurt in love until that experience. I guess you could call that "puppy love" In this challenge I saw that I have been protecting myself from ever experiencing that again. Until I got in touch with it I would have told you I was "fine" with it. But something opened up and I realized that that wound had never healed properly. So I am taking the steps to heal that wound. I am taking the steps to let that go so I can love fully again. I would like to love someone like I did before that ever happened and I'd like that person to be able to receive it. I want someone to love me...like before they ever knew they could be hurt and I want to let that in fully. Right now as I sit with the possibility there is a space opening in my throat and a coolness. There is movement and some circulation going on. Hmmm.

What Difference Did Today Make for My Challenge?
- I see I need to complete an incompletion in the past around relationships so I can experience loving and dating fully.
- Started doing stuff on twitter

SNL and The Elections

2008-10-06T15:37:00.001-07:00

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 56

2008-10-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

Intention
All things are possible through my connection with the Divine

Today
I want to tell you today is a day of victory. I was expecting something to happen today and it didn't. I was looking forward to it all week and its not going to happen...today. In the past I would wrack my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong, why the universe was doing this to me, Why was I so stupid, why the other didn't do what they said they would...when they said they would do it...but today is a new day.

Today when I learned that what I wanted to happened was not going to happen I didn't get upset. I shared I was disappointed but I just got it and worked with them to create a new plan. It was like magic. We worked it out and funny thing...the new plan will work out better for both of us.

The universe is perfect and every good thing is coming to me. I had to give up controlling the timing of everything. I had to give up being impatient..like cutting the butterfly from the cocoon before its ready to fly because I cant wait to see it fly. In my conversation today I gave up I wanting what I wanted and wanting it now...to getting that I cant have it now but I can have it...and there was a joy and freedom the followed. I've learned that the Universe has got me and I can relax and appreciate every good thing that comes to me.

So today I will finish some projects I have been trying to complete for weeks. I will call a few friends over to watch movies. I will make an appointment to get my brows done. I will enjoy every good thing that comes today...it is all coming in perfect timing.

Signature Fragrance Review

2008-09-30T15:32:00.000-07:00

As a result of this blog, I got a message from an eCommerce Marketing Manager for Bond No. 9 in New York. She asked me to give a review of her perfume. I was delighted since I love fragrance and I totally believe that every woman should have a signature fragrance. A fragrance that totally expresses who she is. Something that when you smell it reminds you of the essence of who she is..instantly.

The fragrance came today, elegantly presented and beautifully packaged. I believe there is love in the details...and there was alot of love in the presentation of this perfume. I tried the fragrance and at first I was taken back. Its kind of strong and only needs a few gentle dabs. I usually wear lighter fragrances and spray alot on...you cannot do that with this perfume.

Bond No. 9 - Andy Warhol Lexington Avenue

I shared it with a few people in my office and reviews of the fragrance where mixed. The 20 something crowd thought it was too heavy and reminded them of someone old. They were not a fan.

My 30 - 50 something friends loved it and asked for more samples. Go figure! Its definitely a sophisticated fragrance with deep rich tones and spices. Something sophisticated for winter. It also needs time to settle a bit. (If you try it be patient before you pass judgment) It reminds me of leather, crushed flowers and vanilla. You can definitely smell the woodiness. Its kind of reminiscent of incense.

I liked it. Not your average perfume. Its a signature perfume for sure. It definitely makes me want to smell the other Bond No. 9 fragrances.

To search for your own signature fragrance from Bond No.9 visit their site at
www.bondno9.com

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 52

2008-09-30T01:04:00.000-07:00

Intention
Bringing life where life exists

Today
A long time ago I gave up being 'Julie the cruise director' for all my friends. I stopped having parties and coordinating the people in my life to do things together. I got tired of doing all the planning and never feeling like other people where planning things for me to go to. I can see I have given that whole big story up...when I plan stuff it is an expression for me ...like signature perfumes, paintings and candles. It is just something that really makes me happy. What really makes it fun is to do it with people who appreciate it.

This weekend was all about that. My friend invited me to a charity ball and I had such a wonderful time. Then I planned for us all to go to the Renaissance Faire in costume. We did and had a blast. Then we prepared dinner together. Sat in the hot tub until 2am and watched movies. It was a totally relaxing fun weekend...totally unplanned and wonderfully spontaneous.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 46

2008-09-24T02:24:00.000-07:00

Intention
Expressing my needs

Today
I was reading this book about what a woman needs to express her life force in the world. There where many things suggested but what stuck was knowing what you need. What foods you eat that give you the feeling of aliveness when you are done. I feel that way after eating green leafy things. I like the Kale Aidan makes with lots of spices. I like spinach and asparagus. When I eat those I feel really good.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 45

2008-09-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

Intention
Attending to the expansion and expression my life force

Today
I found an old link to a Tantric Numerology program that is online. I cant make it link directly but you can go to Google and type in Tantric Numerology and it will come up. You can enter your own information and find out what it says about you. This is what it said about me...it was spot on!

Tantric Numerology

SOUL OF 7 The SOUL Number is the core of your identity. It indicates your own internal relationship with yourself. Your relationship to the infinite, unlimited part of yourself. It is the key to tapping into your creativity and depth.

Meditate Everyday to get myself out of my own funk...then I will be able to elevate others.
When you are under stress, you lose the ability to elevate yourself. You can't seem to get your spirit moving. You can't uplift your own internal processes so that life seems good and exciting to you. A symptom of this is that you hide out in your shell a lot, and don't like to come out and interact with other people. This is because you feel overwhelmed by other people and by your environments. You must work through this block so that you can connect to your Soul and allow the flow of Spirit to elevate you. The solution is to meditate each day so that the constant flow of uplifting Soul energy can be released. When you connect yourself to your Soul and live in the Conscious consciousness of your own Infinite Identity, then you will experience your essence. Your essence is to be a "spiritual forklift". That is, you will have the ability to elevate and uplift yourself as well as others. The key phrase to describe your Soul identity is "Platform of Levitation".

KARMA OF 8
Just as the SOUL number indicates the nature your relationship with your own soul, the KARMA number indicates the nature of your relationships with other people. This is the number that describes your 'test' in life... the thing you must break through in order to be successful in your relationships with others.

I need to build a muscle for seeing infinite possibilities in the future.
You have a lot of fear. No matter what you get into, there never seems to be enough energy to do it. You often feel tired. You can't seem to see the Infinite aspects of a situation and to know that you can do better. Your test is to become able to see the Infinity in every situation of life. The solution is to master the pranic body and so become extremely energetic and projective. Mastery of the pranic body will give you tremendous energy, and the ability to be an effective "long-range planner"; i.e. to see the steps that you have to take to make it from where you are to where you want to be, and to follow through with plans and goals.

GIFT OF 5
This number indicates your natural GIFT in life. This is your God-given talent. You don't have to work for it; it's yours... IF you accept it! The key to accepting your GIFT is to connect with your soul. You cannot accept and use your gift unless you feel that you deserve it. Remember, this gift is already yours. Relax, use it and enjoy it.

I need to master my body and discipline it to provide the most to others in life.
Your gift is the ability to teach. You will find it easy and pleasurable to teach others through your actions and words. Your physical body will be your friend. Disciplining it will not be hard for you. It is through the easy strength of your physical body that you will be most able to work on yourself. If you are true to your own spiritual identity in your life, then your special gift will manifest.

DESTINY OF 6
The DESTINY number indicates the main trait that you have worked on within yourself for many lifetimes. It is the thing you have mastered through personal sacrifice and effort. You may not see this mastery in yourself, but in actuality, it shows in everything you do. The destiny number is a description of how OTHER people see you. It is a mirror. It is YOU seen through the eyes of others, not through your own eyes.

People count on me to use my power of projection to create life
For many lifetimes you have worked on being able to concentrate, on being one-pointed and prayerful. If you keep up on a spiritual path in your life, people will always see you as a meditative and prayerful person; as someone whose power of projection creates his or her own reality.

PATH OF 3
Your PATH number is the key to living a fulfilled life. It is the key to understanding who you are and why you are here on this planet at this time. Your PATH is the the single aspect of yourself that you must manifest in your day to day life in order for you to feel fulfilled and successful within yourself. Without understanding and manifesting your path in your life, you will always feel that 'something is missing' from your life. Live your path and all else will work out naturally.

I find fulfillment and satisfaction in taking care of others.
Your satisfaction and fulfillment in this life will come to you through making sure that others are taken care of. In order to create equality in all situations of life, you must take care of all those around you and always be concerned for their needs. It is sort of like being a spiritual father or mother, a "Big Papa" who sees to the needs of all; sees that they are fed, clothed, etc. Your own fulfillment lies in being a caretaker of all others.

Here is my suggested personal sadhana:

TO MASTER THE SEVENTH (AURIC) BODY:
In order to work on and strengthen your AURA you can do any or all of the following yogic techniques:

1. Do the exercise set "Balancing the Aura", on page 56 of the manual KUNDALINI YOGA FOR YOUTH AND JOY.

2. Do the "Meditation for the Divine Shield", on page 38 of the KUNDALINI MEDITATION MANUAL FOR INTERMEDIATE STUDENTS.

3. Do the exercise set "Strengthening the Aura", on page 59 of the manual, YOGA SADHANA GUIDELINES.

4. Sing! Sing out loud, often and joyfully. Elevate others with your singing.

TO MASTER THE EIGHTH (PRANIC) BODY:

In order to work on and strengthen your PRANIC BODY you can do any or all of the following yogic techniques:

1. Do the "Exercise Set for the Lymph System", on page 18 of the manual KUNDALINI YOGA FOR YOUTH AND JOY.

2. Do the meditation on page 71 of the manual MAN TO MAN Part 4.

3. Do the meditation "Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru, Wahe Guru, Wahe Jio", out loud, 8 repetitions per breath, for 31 minutes daily.

4. Do any or all of the "RA MA DA SA SA SAY SO HUNG" healing meditations.

All Yoga manuals can be obtained from from Spirit Voyage

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 40

2008-09-18T14:19:00.001-07:00

Intention
Bringing Life to Life

Today
I forgot to do my evening Grace of God meditation. I just got so dang tired I went off to sleep before I started doing it. So now I am at Day 1 ...I want to say "again" but this is part of the process. How to gracefully start over.

Let me begin by saying ... I started my Grace of God meditation this morning.

In yesterday's meditation I caught a clear glimpse of a commitment I have had for years...To be someone who brings LIFE to LIFE. When I walk in a room I intend to light it up with joy. If I go to a space and it seems sad...I look for ways to brighten it up... add flowers, move stuff, open the windows and shift the energy. I work in Human Resources so I can help people revive their careers...do what they were meant to do. Every workshop I have ever taken has ALL been done to help me get my ego out of the way so I can contribute to others. I wanted to have as many tools to help people see what is blocking them from bringing life to life. Empower them to move it out of the way so they too can know themselves as someone who brings life to life.

When I encounter situations where I'm intending to bring life, joy, and possibility and its not happening...I get angry. Eventually I withdraw...leave or give up. It leaves me feeling like a failure and guilty that I didn't try harder.

I bring life and I'm happy to do it...But in order to keep bringing life ... I need to be appreciated for it. In relationship...I need a partner who appreciates the life I bring to the relationship and is willing to fight to keep me in their life. At work I need a manager who appreciates the life I bring to the work place and is willing to fight to keep me in the job. In business I need business partners who appreciate the life I bring to the business and do what ever it takes to keep me in the business. The issue is ... I don't let anyone in on that. I keep bringing life to life and when its not appreciated I get angry and disappear.

The game I am playing is that I am the possibility of bringing Life to Life.

I honor the life I bring to life by nurturing myself and allowing others to nurture me
I can let people know what I need to ongoing bring life to life.
I need partners who are also interested in bringing life to life. Supporters in a game called "bringing life to life is better than not doing it". Partners who will empower me, empower themselves and we empower each other to keep pressing on in the face of cynicism and resignation that may rise in people who are having trouble accepting altruism and generosity...mine or someone elses.
I deserve ... It is essential that I have everything I need to bring life to life.
I can create a life that supports me and others to bringing life to life

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 39

2008-09-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

Yummy Teas I'm drinking from Lupicia

Intention
Following my gut...listening to my intuition.

Today

The Grace of God Meditation has been a really graceful and gentle meditation. One of the most subtle meditations I've done in a long time. After I do the meditation I get gentle reminders of how life really is. I've been seeing the connection between me and others. I have been seeing how important it is to speak and move from our own inner wisdom.

I came in and my boss' boss was sharing about being on an 11hour flight to Asia and how a woman ,who was not in her assigned seat, tried to sit next to him in the middle seat. She wanted to sit next to her friend so they could chat on the flight. He is a really tall man (kind of a football player kind of guy) and he knew that if he let her sit next to him, not only would he be uncomfortable but he would also be upset for 11 hours. He shared how he had to make a decision..."Do I sit here and be mad for the entire flight or do I say something". He chose to say something. It was not the most graceful of conversations or the most pleasant...but he did it. The woman was not happy. She told him he was rude and made a big scene. He did not back down. She was not getting her way so she poured on a guilt trip. He did not back down. She got loud. He did not budge. She got hysterical. He did not change a thing. She finally got it and moved to another seat with her friend. It was over and he had a relaxing flight to Asia.

I have been fascinated by this story all day...The question keeps coming to me...What would I have done in that situation? I would like to tell you I would have put on my super hero cape and told her NO too...but the truth is ... my gut would have told me "Don't let her sit here." and then I would have said something and when she reacted I would have given in. One sign of a fuss and I would have let her sit next to me. I would have sat there mad or moved myself angrily to another seat. That makes me cringe just typing the words.

I have followed this manager through several companies just to be on his team. I get to learn about the power of confidence from the "Master of Confidence". He follows his gut and he is committed to winning. I don't always understand where we are going but I trust him. We always land on our feet and he is straight about it when we don't. He expects support in getting to a goal and he holds us accountable when we are not doing what we need to do to support the goal. He's never mean about it. Kind of like..."You have no idea what I'm up against... don't get caught up in the drama...get it together and lets make it happen. "

Today I saw something new... I feel free to say what I want and sometimes people react in ways I don't like, but I don't let their reaction change what I want. I do make their reaction mean there is something wrong with me wanting what I want..and that is what I'm out to transform.

I didn't see until now is the amount of GUILT I feel for wanting what I want. particularly when people react in ways I don't like, agree with, appreciate...etc. Now that I see this I can be responsible for transforming my response when people don't agree with what I want. The result will be to want what I want ...guilt free...and allow people to have what ever reaction they have , stay friends, still appreciate who they are and gracefully go on creating my glorious life.

That feels like the wings of a bird...someone feel a bit of FREEDOM around here? :)

2008-09-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

Intention

Being empowering

Today

I have my first friend who is following my blog....thanks Sharee! It is magical that that would happen today. I was telling my friend yesterday that I hide my blog and I dont want to hide...its not me. I have ways of knowing that about 100+ people read this blog weekly but its not real to me since I dont get comments often. I actually forget and pretend nobody is reading it. I was telling my friend just yesterday...that its no fun writing when I only benefits meeee. What good is it to hear myself talk out loud about myself. Its all about MEEEEE! What have my words been for?

I created this blog for me to have a record of my journey through the laws of attraction. What it has turned into is a public confessional. I work out my thoughts ... the good, the bad and the ugly. I get to see how I stress myself into a lather and worry myself joyless. When I read it again in black and white I realize how self indulgent I have been. This blog has taught me to notice when its happening so I can embrace it and stop its impact on my life and the people around me. It has been a tool for me to stop that pattern and get out of my head.

Ultimately I want you to know you are not alone. I want you to read about me and see we are all prone to wild distructive, self-sabotaging habits that rob us of the joy, love and freedom in our lives. We also have the power to see the pattern and choose to do something else. That is what I want you to be left with...that being honest is valueable and you have a choice. This blog ultimately is for you.

Today I realized...I am not alone writing to the silence. You are here with me on my journey. Today I invite you to comment. Let me know who you are and tell me anything you want me to know. I'm interested in you.

2008-09-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

2008-09-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

Intention

Being invested

Today

I did my meditation this morning. Ever since I said I wanted to do this for 40 days, I have been having to overcome my resistance to doing it. Actually sitting down and doing it has been a tug of war. I put it off. I tell myself I don't have the right space. I find other things to day. But each day I have managed to do it anyway. Who said I have to like it. I committed to it and I need to do what ever it takes to honor that commitment. Then I hit me! I resist committing to things. I resist committing and putting my butt on the line.

I looked to see when I made that decision. The decision to stop being committed to things...I mean both feet in...I don't care what you do I'm staying...kind of person. I flashed back 10 years to my first official job. I worked for a technology company and I was working on a project with a team. We were going round and round on a decision and I was getting frustrated. I made a suggestion and I was shot down. What she said ways.."Some people need to shut up so others can contribute! " She was looking at me and I was so pissed. I decided she didn't care about me. I decided the entire company didn't care about me. I decided I would stop caring about them and take care of me. She apologized later but I realized today that I have been holding that against all businesses. That they don't care about me so will not invest myself in them.

I had a great conversation with my office mate Perla. She is this beautiful woman with long dark hair and big brown eyes. She is a sensitive soul and a Leo like me. She brought out the subject of love and how she will not connect unless the other person allows her to know them fully. If she cant connect...she is out of there. She wants to know the other person fully. Its not satisfying for her unless that happens.

I've really been practicing being fully invested and generous.

Music that Moves Me: "If I didn't care" by the Ink Spots

2008-09-13T23:13:00.000-07:00

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 31

2008-09-13T03:17:00.000-07:00

(Double Click image above to read and print a copy of the meditation)

Intention
I am the Grace of God

Quotes
"A woman should wear fragrance wherever she expects to be kissed." ~ Coco Chanel

Today
As part of my 100 day challenge I have listed 3 goals. I have listed everything I know to do to make those goals happen and I'm doing them. I was inspired by something I learned by studying Kabbalah...Do everything you know to do and let God do the rest. It reminds me to do something and not wait for the magical tap on the shoulder. The wisdom comes from being out in the world making my goal happen. Every so many days I look at the list and see if I need to remove or add any steps. I ask myself ... am I still inspired to take these actions or is Spirit moving me in a new direction. I revise my list and I take the next set of actions.

In the area of relationships...I have been given the wisdom (for the um-tenth time) to do a very special meditation. Its a meditation that takes 10 min and must be done 2x a day for 40 days or more. If you miss a day you must start again. It is meant to allow a woman to experience her own grace. The God/Goddess within. For men that do it they experience being in the presence of a woman's grace.

I'm excited that Nicole read my last post and was intrigued by it so...if you click the image above it will open to a bigger page where you can print the meditation. If you do decide to do it...leave a comment and let me know your starting. It would be great to know there are people out there doing this with me.

Inspiration: Oprah's Legends Ball

2008-09-13T01:51:00.000-07:00

As I embark on this meditation in Grace tomorrow. The universe keeps presenting to me images of a woman's grace and power. Today I "stumbled" upon Oprah's Legends Ball on Youtube. I wasn't looking for it but through a number of "random" clicks I found it. I watched and I cried. Something touched my soul about these women and the tribute weekend in their honor. I got present to the grace and power of a woman. The grace and power that is within me and every woman that surrounds me. The grace that is expressed through my creativity and joy. Its why joyful moments are so important. Its why me attending to joy is so important. In the documentary, Oprah says "Happiness is having something to look forward to." So as I step into this Grace of God meditation I step in to the experience of JOY... fully expressed. I will express joy by creating things to look forward to in my life.

Oprah's Legends Ball - Part 1 of 5

Oprah's Legends Ball - Part 2 of 5

Oprah's Legends Ball - Part 3 of 5

Oprah's Legends Ball - Part 4 of 5

Oprah's Legends Ball - Part 5 of 5

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 30

2008-09-12T00:51:00.000-07:00

Intention
Grace

Today
I feel very much in the flow. Yesterday someone sent me email. I checked it on Facebook then I saw someone added new photos I looked at them and recognized woman in the photo I hadn't seen in a long time. I went to a workshop that night and she was there! It was great to see her and wild at the same time.

Today I was at work and a woman showed me a photo of a photobooth photos. We saw that it was from a business that was local. I looked it up and called the business to find out how much it would cost to rent a photo booth for a party. I reached the owner. Later that day I got a photo of a friends wedding. I was looking on the photographers website of other weddings and saw the same photobooth from the business I just talked to. How random!

I feel in the flow and I like it like that ... miracles unfold that way.

In my challenge I have been following a simple method...do everything you know to do and let the universe provide the rest. So I listed my goals and everything I thought I needed to do and I do them and add things as I go along/get inspired/ get information from the universe.

Its been amazing to feel and experience such loving guidance. I'm going to teach this year and things are falling into place really nicely.

Around relationships I have been guided to do the Grace of God meditation. Its a meditation I was asked to do years ago by a very well known yoga teacher. I found a blog about one woman's journey through the meditation and I was completely inspired. I know I'm on the right path. I had the best intentions but I never did it. I have realized they were right and I am starting on Saturday. I went out to get music for the practice and something that will allow me to center. I am looking forward to the practice. I found out I have to do it 2x a day and If I miss a day I must start over. Interesting.

Season 6 | 100 Day Challenge | Day 29

2008-09-12T00:01:00.001-07:00

One of my big goals was to clean my office so I could accomplish my goals for this challenge. It took a few days but its done. I cant wait to get to my office and light the candles and create the next thing. Its great to be able to find what I need when I need it.

2008-09-10T01:11:00.000-07:00

Intention
Faith and Commitment

Today
I am almost finished clearing my office. It has been a real journey to turn this room into a space where I can actively create. Thanks to Christine, I got some great things to organize the space. I love it now. I still feel like I need a big chair to sit and read in ...but that will come. For now I can finally see the top of my desk and I can walk across my floor with out tripping over stuff.